Mama Kenz is leaving the building...

For quite some time now I have disliked my little blog here. 

I have long been frustrated with my name. 

The look doesn't suite me. 

The entire feel of it has just seemed to be missing the mark. 

I almost exclusively do reviews here, which is not my heart- I am a writer and artist at my core and I want my blog to reflect that. 

So, I have decided to break ties with this here place that I have resided in for 3 1/2 long years-
HUGE, I know! 
I'm packing my bags and heading for my brand new blog- on Wordpress no less!  I will be returning to the essence of blogging- writing about beauty and life and truth.  I'm not setting boundaries or expectations- just going to blog the way I really want to.  Some days I'll be funny, some days I won't.  What is important is that I will be blogging, and much more consistently at that.

Are you curious yet?  Want to know my name and new identity?  Alright, here goes...

BOLD Turquoise

You can hop over there to see a little bit of what I have already posted, why I chose that name and how things are shaping up in general.  I am still in the "moving-in" phase, but it feels good and right.  I feel inspired again which is wonderfully refreshing!

Of course, I would love for you to follow me there and join me in this journey- I wouldn't be a blogger if I didn't!  You'll see a few different ways to subscribe and follow in my new blog's sidebar and I dearly hope you will take advantage of them.  It would be exceedingly cool too if you dropped me a line to let me know what you think of my new digs!

I will still be blogging about our homeschool and family life over at The World According to Them and will pop back up here a few times over the next couple of weeks, finishing reviews and tying up loose ends. 

Some of you may also be curious to learn that the idea I had behind the blog I started last year- The Research Years (writing letters to my kids and their spouses for them to read in the future)- will also be moved and finally carried out on BOLD Turquoise.  So if you are interested in that, please do come check it out.  You can learn more about the whole idea right here.

I want to thank you all for being wonderful followers!  Just knowing that you're listening is what drives me on and gives me motivation.  So, thank you, thank you, thank you!  And I hope to see you soon at

BOLD Turquoise!

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

FYI: Rhythm is in the hospital

This past Sunday Rhythm came down with what we thought was a stomach bug.  He complained of a stomach ache and threw up for hours, unable to hold anything down.

Monday the vomiting stopped but the pain increased.  By the end of the day he didn't even want to walk.

Tuesday my mom came and picked up Lion Cub and I took Rhythm to the ER- he refused to walk at all by then and would not uncurl from the ball he had huddled himself in.

More than 2 hours after arriving at the ER we were finally seen by a doctor and told that he likely had an appendicitis.  This diagnosis was confirmed by an ultrasound about an hour later, but it was thought that the appendix had not yet perforated.

By 5:20pm Rhythm, no longer even speaking at this point, was rolled into surgery.

Around 7:20 he was taken to recovery and we were informed that his appendix had perforated.  Luckily his colon had flopped on top of it, essentially acting as a blanket on the fire and limiting the damage, but none the less, a leak had sprung.  They thoroughly lavaged his abdominal cavity but he is still extremely at risk of abscess, which would not present itself until 5-7 days after surgery.  He is on three different IV antibiotics and will be in the hospital 5 days-2 weeks.

Yesterday was mostly about pain management.  He was given morphine every 3 hours and a heavy duty ibuprofen every 6.  He walked to the bathroom a couple of times, at mom's prompting, but mostly stayed in bed.  His temperament was good and he worked well with the nurses.  His bowel tones were still low, so he wasn't allowed to eat, but he never had a fever and did quite well.

Today was more difficult.  He was off the morphine and handling pain well, for the most part, but his attitude had turned very grim.  He was argumentative and uncooperative.  When he spiked a fever of 100.4 late in the day, he spit out his tylenol and a nurse actually had to hold his mouth shut and blow in his face to get him to swallow on the second try.  Although he was allowed to start soft foods, he was so picky about what he wanted (specifically- a donut or a muffin) that it was difficult to get him to eat.

I made him get out of bed a few times.  We walked to the end of the hall to check out a movie to watch and he mumbled and complained the whole trip.  At one point a nurse came up and told him what a great job he was doing.  His response?  "My looser mom made me come out here and walk.  I'm so mad!"  (Alright, so I was actually trying really hard not to laugh while I told him that he was being inappropriate and disrespectful!)

After the fever situation and some sudden, increased pain, we realized he was experiencing gas pains as his bowels truly began to wake up.  I once again made him get out of bed and walk down to the movies and playroom.  He SCREAMED the whole way down the hall, and continued to carry on as I left him in the hallway and said that even if he wasn't going to check out the playroom, I was!

A few minutes later his interests were peaked and he ventured into the room himself.  Well, wouldn't ya know?  He wanted to spend the rest of the evening in there!  He played Wii with his dad and would hardly go back to his room!  It is amazing how much things can fluctuate in a matter of a few hours!  We pray he keeps that attitude and continues to heal, avoiding further complications.

For me, it has been a trying and exhausting ordeal.  Although I know he is hopefully on the road to recovery, it is very difficult to see your little one in so much pain and have to push them to do things that hurt, even when they get so mad at you, because you know it what's best for them.  It has been especially difficult to also have Lion Cub be so young, an age when he still needs me very much and has difficulty sleeping without me.  Plus, he is just a handful and can become very taxing on those who are watching him.  I feel so torn and inadequate- needing to take care of two boys who are in different locations.  I feel spread thin.  My husband is also still working full time, which makes it even more difficult, knowing he needs sleep, and food.

I feel as though I am wading through a bit of a fog. Even when I am with Rhythm during the day at the hospital and he is sleeping, I just sometimes feel... blank.  Too much going through my head.  Lots weighing on my shoulders.  So much to take care of and no way to do it.  It is a very isolated and alone feeling.

Sometimes, even though I want to pray, I just don't have the words, or the energy.  I just keep thinking, "God, please know where I am at right now, what we are going through, and fill in what I should be saying to you.  Heal my boy, be with Lion Cub and whoever has the task of managing him, and just help."

I am just trying to do the next thing, as a dear friend shared with me the other day.  Right now, that is all I can do.  I don't know how long I am going to have to try to juggle all this, but somehow it all has to get done.  I don't know how long Rhythm will have to go through all this, but he is such a trooper and I am so proud of him.

Living in the midst of a trial and expectantly waiting on what the Lord will show me through it,

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

A little heart broken...

Last night I found out that the Friday co-op/moms group I have so raved about, counted on and sought reprieve in, has been canceled.  This Friday will be the final meeting.  The short of it is, the wonderful family who hosts it will be moving in a few months and are simply unable to continue- it just won't work for them.

I get that.  And I respect the mama for so putting her family first and doing what is absolutely best for them.  She follows Jesus daily.  Deliberately.  I still have much to learn from her, but now will not have the chance.

Honestly, I'm heart broken.  Fridays were the one day a week that I really had the chance to be around other women (or adults at all for that matter).  I have learned soooo much from them.  Wisdom just seems to pour out of these ladies each week.  Jesus is there those days.  And more over, they are some of the most lovely and wonderful women you could ever meet- genuinely caring and a total kick in the pants to top it off.  

You can see it in their children because they are all as lovely, sweet, kind and goofy as their mothers.  Not the kind of kids you're bothered by, but the kind you could love almost as much as your own.

I always left Fridays with a lighter burden.  At a time in my life that has been fairly void of hope or encouragement, these women lifted me up and gave me a break.  

To say I will miss these days would be a gross understatement.  I wept a little last night.  I suppose from fear of loosing my friends, who I mostly only saw on these days.  And more over, loosing myself.  Loosing myself to the trials and hardships of this life without that fellowship to keep me afloat.

I'm a little broken right now.

I know Jesus has bigger plans.  I KNOW that.  But sometimes, when disappointment after disappointment are heaped on your plate, you want to feel His guidance more than know it.  You want Him to fill the gaps in your aching soul more quickly.  You want answers.  You want Him to just say, "This is what I have for you next, this is what it looks like and this is when it's coming."

But if there is one thing I'm constantly reminded of, things don't happen in my timing, they happen in His.  And every time I rush ahead of him, I live to regret it in big ways.

So, I'm waiting on You, Jesus.  But just so You know, I'm pretty tired and I could really use some love and care about now.  

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

A little unplanned break...

I'm sick. Like, death warmed over, laying in the recliner, hoping my children don't kill each other as I drift in and out of coherentness, sick.

And yes, I made up that word.  I'm sick- I'm allowed

So, until further notice, all this good stuff I have planned in terms of blogging (including my baking post :-( ), and ok, let's face it, pretty much everything in my life, will be put on hold.

Just praying I will be feeling better by Friday for my 7th Anniversary!

Oh, and if you were wondering how to comment but couldn't after I switched things around on my blog- it's all better now.

I'll be back as soon as I can!

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

A little poll- how do you wear your socks! Help me out here!

Alright- I don't usually do this, but I would love whatever input you guys could give me! 

Let me explain.  For the last 7 years my husband and I have been debating over whether socks are "footed."  He contends that socks retain the shape of whichever foot you wear them on, so you should continue to always wear them on the same foot.  I, on the other hand, just. put. them. on! 

Just after we were married I had folded his socks and he got all frustrated because I had apparently folded righties with righties and lefties with lefties. I believe my response was something along the lines of,

"Crazy say what?!  Well, I ain't foldin' yo' socks no mo', fool!!"

And I haven't ever since.



What?  We kind of live in the hood!  Sometimes it brings out the ghetto in me!

Anyhoo!  Over the years, this little debate of ours comes up over and over again and we spar over it (all in good fun, but both being very sure that we are right!).  Well, it came up again last night, so we decided to finally put the discussion to rest be conducting very scientific polls on FB and my blog!

So please weigh in- right over there on the left!  (If you are reading in a reader you will have to hop on over to my blog to cast your vote in the left sidebar)

Oh, and by the way- my husband vows that he is going to come out with The Uni-Foot Shoe sometime next year if we all say that socks don't have a foot!  I keep telling him it is totally different, but he is adamant!  (We're both pretty head strong- I guess that's why we work!)

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

My 2010 Christmas List

Let me just preface this list by saying it's a dream list and I have no prospects or expectations of receiving most (or any) of it.  This year I truly am thankful to just have a roof over my head and that fact that blogging actually allowed me to get gifts for my kids.  Alright, with that said I give you...

The Mama Kenz Christmas List 2010

1-  iPad. Hmmm... Well that's a no brainer!  Every day I find new reasons why I want need an iPad.  Here are just a few:

1. I'm the Head Mama of Gabby Moms- the new blogging program for TEACH Magazine- and it's a LOT of work!  An iPad would make it much easier for me to get my work done and stay in contact with the Moms and my wonderful fellow staff at TEACH!
2. I'm a blogger!  Hello!  Enough said.
3. I'm a homeschooler and I work with a lot of downloadable curriculum (especially in my reviews for Heart of the Matter).  Being able to use iBook to read PDFs and show them to Rhythm would be HUGE for us! So helpful!  I can't even imagine!
4. I'm a blogger
5. I'm not a big fan of the calendar on my iPhone and have had my eye on this app that syncs with google for months!  I get all googly eyed about it!  (Haha- googly eyed for google!  I kill myself!)
6. I'm a reader!  I would love to start simplifying my book stash to ebooks and many of the blogging book review programs I work with are starting to offer ebook formats.  I would save time, money and I'd be able to read while nursing in the dark!  AND my books would sync with my iPhone!  What is that, like, a quintuple score?!?!
7. I'm a blogger.... :-)... But that also means I read blogs which would also be easier with the iPad.
8. My computer is completely running out of space and outdated and I think that most of what I do could be conducted on the iPad for much less money than buying a new computer right now.
9. I am beginning to teach childbirth and postpartum classes and it would be great to not only keep my notes on my iPad but all my Keynote presentations to deliver to my classes!  See all the business potential here?!
10. They are just plain and simple the coolest piece of technology to come into existence in the last 30 years!

Hmmm... So maybe this post would have been better titled "Top 10 Reasons I Need an iPad!".

I like to tell myself that the real reason I won't be receiving one this Christmas is not because we are dead broke and couldn't afford it if we tried, but actually because I am patiently waiting for the second model to hit the market since it's sure to have major upgrades in memory and capabilities, not to mention a front facing camera for video chat, bug fixes and a likely lower price.  So yeah.  If you couldn't tell, I want an iPad.

2.  As long as we're talking about things I am REALLY not going to get, I might as well throw it out there that I would LOVE a Canon Rebel T2i!!  And Photoshop Elements!  Costco has a great package with lenses and everything!  It would be so nice to be able to take really awesome photos of the kids and take my blogging photos up to the next level.  *Sigh* Someday.

3.  Clothes!  Most of my wardrobe still consists of the fashions I was wearing in college, which just don't exactly speak to the style I would like to think I currently have!  I would specifically love a couple of pairs of leggings and pretty much anything from Down East Basics or Ann Taylor Loft.

4.  Books!  Here is my basic list-

Under a Maui Moon by Robin Jones Gunn (the first of the two books my favorite author came out with this year!)

Christy Miller's Diary by Robin Jones Gunn (and the second!)

Nowhere, Carolina by Tamara Leigh (I reviewed the first in this series earlier this year and really enjoyed it!  I wold love to read the second installment)

The Backyard Homestead (a cool book I just came across, all about producing your own food even if you don't have much land.  Kind of cool.)

Deceptively Delicious and Double Delicious by Jesssica Seinfeld (I have checked the first one out from the library before and we really liked it!  Great ideas!)

and lastly (for now)- Birthing from Within (which I need for the Childbirth classes I'm teaching)

5.  Curriculum- I know it seems silly, but I would really love to get Galloping the Globe so that I could start slowly working on preparing for kindergarten.

6.  A profession blog makeover!  I would love one by Graphically Designing, but am also well aware that I will never be able to afford one.  A girl can dream!

Alright- I'll stop myself there!  What are you wishing for this Christmas?!

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

The plan. revised

Where the heck have I been?!  Well, first of all I have been working like a crazy person on Gabby Moms- the new blogging program I am heading up for TEACH Magazine!  On top of that, it is just a super busy time of year!  For instance- I am two days behind in my baking post for this week!  Ahhh!  I will definitely be getting that up TODAY (so sorry Marmee)!!

Tuesday was crazy busy- so much so that at this point I can't even remember what I was doing, I just know I was on my feet all day!  Then yesterday I was out of the house almost all day between MOPS, watching my friend Christa's kiddos while she and her husband went to see baby Ella in the hospital, Rhythm's hip-hop/breakdancing classes and having dinner at my grandma's!  Phew- I'm tired just typing all that!

So, I thought if I let all of you know what I have planned coming up here at The Mama Kenz Studio, hoping it will give me a little accountability!  Check it out (btw- it's been revised a bit!):

• Baking post for Marmee's Bread Market- today
• CSN $45 Giftcard Giveaway begins- Monday
• Breastfeeding an 18 month old post- Monday
• Easy Lunch Boxes Review and Giveaway- Tuesday Morning
• Christmas Baking Post- Tuesday Evening
• Christmas wishlist post- Wednesday
• Earth Mama Angel Baby Review and Giveaway- Thursday
• New Years planning and talk of resolutions (printable included & ways for YOU to get involved!)- This weekend

And here is what I have planned for The World According to Them:

• Preschool Corner- Christmas- Friday
• Christmas gifts for the boys- Monday
• Tiny Talk Tuesday- Tuesday (duh!)
• He finally flushed something down the toilet!- Wednesday
• Rhythm's Hip-Hop/Breakdancing Show- Thursday
• Preschool Corner- More Christmas- Friday
• Summer Catch-up post- Saturday

Ok- so that's a week out!  Hopefully I can stay on track and keep getting up early enough (and therefore going to bed early enough) to make it all happen!  I miss you guys and when my blogging goes on the back burner I realize just how meaningful it is to me!  Such an outlet that I need and miss!

Looking forward to being here more!

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

Oh what a beautiful morning!

You all are aware of my struggle to get up earlier in the morning if you have followed my blog for any length of time.  You might remember that it was one of my New Years resolutions this year, and her I am, mid-November, still struggling.

Well, today, I had a breakthrough!  Seriously!  Some things happened over the weekend that were positively life-changing (I will soon be sharing them with you, but they are of a different subject completely, so I will reserve them to their own post!) and this morning I finally managed to get my booty out of bed at an earlier hour.  It still wasn't as early as I would like, but it was earlier, which is a step in the right direction.

A lot of it has come down to changing my perspective.  I have had to decide that getting up earlier is a reward rather than a punishment- not easy for a night owl from birth!  I have had decide to limit myself, make the conscious choice every evening, to save the things that I would normally stay up till all hours of the night, joyfully accomplishing, and wait to do them in the morning.  That way I actually want to get up in the morning- those awaiting tasks, that I enjoy, give me the motivation to get out of bed.

The view from my front window

I feel like I have a new lease on life.  As I look out my window and see the snow swirling around and accumulating all around, the rest of the world is heading into winter as I am finally coming out of it.  The spring I have so long awaited is here at last.  I feel refreshed and truly joyful, full of peace for the first time since I can really remember.

I awoke, made a cup of tea, read The Word, nursed my toddler back to sleep as I prayed and then was able to sit with my legs crossed on my couch, computer on my lap and just write/blog/email- it was precious and quiet!  It was time all my own and it was productive!  Just knowing that I had accomplished some of the things on my list for the day gave me the drive to make a better breakfast for my kids and got me cleaning prior to the last 10 rushed minutes before my husband arrives home from work.

This can work!  Jesus can help me- He promises He will!

Who knows, maybe tomorrow I will get up another half hour earlier!

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

How to puff up your lips for FREE!!

You all know how I like to pass along little tips and tricks to you as I find them in life, and, well, this one is not to be missed!

Have you been wanting to enlarge your lips?  

Considering collagen injections?  

Fillers?  

Save your money!  

All you have to do is stand in front of an open cupboard door, place a nice thick glass up to your lips (as if taking a drink), then quickly try to close said cupboard door while in process slamming it into the end of your glass, hence smashing the edge of the glass into your top lip and your top lip into your eyeteeth.  Ta-Da!!  The swelling and canker sores that will surely ensue eliminate all need for a visit to your local med-spa!

Ok- but seriously- I AM IN PAIN!  Holy Moly!  You really shouldn't do what I outlined above because it HURTS and has long-lasting effects!!  I am like, 4 or 5 days into this now!  I can hardly talk or eat because my mouth hurts so badly!

I saw a friend last night for the first time in a year and she thought I had had dental work done judging by the swelling and way I was talking trying not to move my lips!  "Oh No! "  I told her.  "Just slammed a glass into my face with a cupboard door!"  How embarassing! 

I was quite happy with my lips just the way they were!  I never had any desire to plump them up like a morphed California soap opera actress!  So- any great ideas for getting rid of mouth swelling and canker sores?  I'm in need!

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

NanoWrimo Progress

I went in November realizing full well that my blogging time would most likely be sidelined for the most part.  Aside from a few posts I knew that I needed to get done for product and book reviews (some of which are still forth coming) I was well aware that most of my writing time would need to be devoted to my novel for NanoWrimo.

Little did I know that even more of my time in general this month would be devoted to my dear friends Christa and Erik and their two boys, as they battle for their beautiful daughter, Ella, to live.  Even in the moments that I am not directly helping them or lifting them all up in prayer, I have found it difficult to get back into that writing space in my head.  In fact, at times the thought of working on my book has almost felt selfish.  I have felt very nearly that I shouldn't be enjoying anything or getting lost in any fantasy story-line while people I am so very close to are being constantly bombarded with harsh and sobering realities.

We have had many of our own realities to deal with ourselves also.  My husband's transmission went out this week- a fix that would cost more than the truck is worth.  And, well, when you are a finish carpenter who needs to transport a tool trailer to and from jobs in order to make a living, being without a heavy duty truck is quite the predicament.  He has been able to borrow a truck from a friend, but even it is in desperate need of serious electrical work which we are also not in the place to fix.

So, we put our house on Craigslist- hoping that it would catch someone's eye, or at least get a nibble.  If we could sell and downsize (an impossible sounding word to anyone who has actually seen my home) to some property we have been eying, pay off our debt and get a new truck- if everything played out the way we hoped.  But do you have any idea how quickly your listing gets pushed down the list in the real estate section on Craigslist?  Well, if you don't know- it's fast!  In less than 16 hours we were already on the second page.  Bummer.  Not even a nibble.  We'll try again tomorrow.

I have started teaching childbirthing classes with some fellow doulas in my community.  Next Tuesday I will meet with the three other women I will be working with and dearly hoping that this can be one small way that I can help provide for my family.  I did a few classes last month with one of the women to see if it was a good fit and if my teaching skills were up to par.  I really enjoyed the experience and am looking forward to where this journey will take me.  It's something.

And believe it or not- this brings me back to NanoWrimo.  Before the absolute craziness of last week came crashing down, I had written over 12,000 words and was into the 6th chapter of my book.  While it is just a rough first draft I actually don't think it is half bad!  I am really enjoying my characters and my plot and look forward to getting back into working on it.  In many ways I think I need to start to look at this as a career opportunity.  I have always wanted to be a writer and if I am able to devote a chunk of my time to this venture it could be yet another way for me to stay at home yet help provide for my family.

I have been doing a lot of reading about becoming an author- especially the advice that my favorite authors have to offer.  Something Robin Jones Gunn said in one of her interviews really struck a chord with me.  She said that she knew that writing would have to be a sacrifice but that she knew it had to be her own and not her family's.  For years she said she would get up at 3:00am so that she could write without taking time away from serving her family!  Now that is dedication!  While I don't plan on getting up anywhere near 3:00am anytime soon, it is one more probe in my side (among many as of late- most likely from the Lord) that getting up earlier would, indeed, be a good idea for me. (arg)

So there you have it- what is up.  What's been on my mind.  While I don't expect that I will be able to recover from the serious loss of time I have accumulated on my novel, I do plan to finish it.  And if by some crazy chance I manage to do it in the next 11 days- well call me Sally and paint my face green!  But hey, crazier things have happened!

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

Thankful Thursday

He walked in the front door with the mail clenched in his fist, as he had done every day for the past 2 weeks.  This time it was different- a check had finally come.  A tinge of relief shone on his face but with the burden of our past due bills and the mortgage looming on the horizon, he could not fully rest his mind yet.  This check, which was billed out for over two months ago, would not be enough.  But it was something.

I continued about my tasks in the kitchen, thankful but not overcome with peace, until the gasp of shock emerged from his lips and I looked up to see his mouth agape and his eyes wide.  This was not the past due check we had been waiting and praying on.  This was a check that he had only billed out for a mere few weeks ago and its total was almost three times that of the other check we had been waiting on.

This was relief.

This was elatement.

This was seeing God tangibly provide.  While we had been scurrying around to contact the bank and fret over how we would even eat, He knew all along what was going to happen and had it all under control.

While the fretting was obviously unnecessary and not what He wants for us, I somehow think that the steps we made to contact the bank were the right thing for us to do.  I think that by doing so we were able to say, "Alright God- we have explored every avenue.  We have done our part.  We haven't just sat idly by waiting for a miracle, even though we are praying for one.  Now, however you are going to work it out, work it out.  There is literally nothing more we can do."  We did all that we humanly could.  We were given no option at that point to do anything but put the rest in His hands.  And He cam through.  At the last possible minute- when we had nothing left.  He said, "I haven't forgotten about you."

He did it.  He took care of us at one of our lowest lows.  So, why in the world was one of the first questions that uncontrollably left my lips, "But what about next month?"  Sheesh!  In the midst of the lesson, in the midst of Him coming through and giving us just enough, just in time, I worry about tomorrow and want just a little bit more.

Luckily I immediately caught myself- or maybe that little voice saying, "you're missing the point..." wasn't mine at all.  He wanted to come through for us.  He wanted to show us He has the power and the ability to take care of us.  And more importantly, I think, He wanted us to trust Him.  To really believe what He says.  To rest in Him.  He wanted us to truly experience the peace that passes all understanding.  And just to make sure we keep this lesson fresh in our minds and hearts, He only gave us just enough.  He wants us to keep resting in, relying on and trusting Him.

So, today I'm resting and trusting.  Don't get me wrong- I'll be praying too, for much is still unknown (to us) and next month's bills will eventually come, but today, I'm remembering that He has not forgotten me and my little family.

...thankfulness continued...

#11.  an unexpected check

#12.  little boys who love to snuggle

#13.  playhouse disney, cause sometimes mama needs a shower and a break

#14.  creative outlets

#15.  warm fall days

#16.  the hope for change on the horizon

#17.  open windows accompanied by a cool breeze

#18.  country drives

#19.  chocolate

#20.  friends who check on you and genuinely want to help

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

Top Ten Places I'm finding Inspiration

We might be moving- Lord willing.  We are on the verge of a potentially life-altering change.  It's all a pretty big deal and a little all consuming at the moment.  I hope to have more to inform you guys about it soon, but for now all of your prayers would be hugely appreciated!

So, in light of this possible move I have been thinking a LOT about decorating!  The home we live in now is small, comfy and completely remodeled, but it just isn't quite my style.  For starters, the main remodel was done by my husband and his parents before we were together, with the idea of flipping or renting.  they used a lot of neutral vinyl wall covering (aka- the entire main floor) so I haven't been able to add color and hang things on the walls as I would have liked.

In addition, the decorating I have done happened mostly right after we got married, nearly seven years ago.  I was 19 and didn't know enough about my personal style to really create an amazing space.  I was coming out of my teenage obsession with all things leopard and really didn't know what to do with a whole house.  So I followed the neutral theme that was set before me.  Since then I have changed the curtains and a few little accessories to start reflecting the personal style I have developed, but the funds haven't really been there to do anything major and there has always been that thought that we would hopefully move soon so why go bonkers?!

Now though, the possibilities seem endless!  So here is where I have been getting the majority of my inspiration:

1. This kitchen from Sarah's House (if you haven't seen this show in HGTV you HAVE to- especially the farm house season!).

2. This kitchen posted by Stephanie at Barefoot in the Kitchen!  Oh my!  Look at those floors!  And I love that there are almost only lower cabinets- it makes the space feel so much more open!

3. The Farm Chicks- she is building her house right now so I get to follow along and say "ooo- I want that too!"  She is practically decorating for me!  I really love these lighting fixtures she posted!

4. This boy bedroom from Sarah's House.  The barnwood ceiling, the light the shade of blue... amazing!

5. The Antonio Treatment- I LOVE this show! And while much of what he does is not my style, his daring work and the way he ties everything together really inspires me.

6. It's Mary Ruffle- beauty all around!  These pictures are AMAZING!

7. House of Turquoise- oh my!  My whole house might end up turquoise!

8. This paper collection by Amy Butler and K&Company!  In love!  Ok- pretty much any Amy Butler though, if I'm being serious!

9. These workspaces posted on Sew Much Ado- Especially this one!  Spot the turquoise again?

10. Decor Pad is a community I just found that is all about decorating and renovation!  Share photos, get inspired and share in the obsession!  I can tell I will be spending much more time here!  (by the way, I found them via this post from The CSI project).

What inspires your decor?  Do you feel like your house reflects who you are?

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

Top Ten Monday?

 

Alright- I now that this meme is typically Top Ten Tuesday, but since I already have a regular feature on Tuesdays I thought that I would post my list on Mondays when I participate.  The silly thing is that I have been wanting to join in this meme for so long that now that I have decided to do it, I can hardly think of anything "Top Ten" worthy!

I have bounced around a lot of ideas but I think the one I have settled on is the Top Ten Things I am Thankful for.  I have been reading a lot about changing my attitude and cultivating peace and joy in my life and family, especially in light of our current circumstances (i.e. dead broke and waiting for a miracle).  So, I thought what better way to begin that journey than focusing on the things that the Lord has blessed me with?  I hope to continue this list from here, as Ann Voskamp does on A Holy Experience as well, so although this list will contain only the Top Ten things I am thankful for, and will probably seem fairly obvious, I hope to relish in the little things I am grateful for over time as well.




#1.  Jesus My Savior.  He keeps taking me back and forgiving me.  I don't get it- I'm not worthy and He just keeps on loving me.

#2.  My kids- they drive me crazy but they also bring me the most joy.  They are beautiful and unique and my greatest pride.

#3.  My husband- some of my greatest lessons and the shaping of my character come from learning how to love my husband.

#4.  My parents- my mom is one of my very best friends and the ultimate shopping partner.  My dad gives the best hugs on the planet!

#5.  My grandma- she is always, always, ALWAYS there for me.  She doesn't judge me.  She is my biggest fan.  She sings the goofiest songs to my kids. And she makes the best popcorn balls ever!

#6.  My brother- he is at a hard place in his life but I love him any way.

#7.  My friend Sharon- she is everything you could want in a friend.  She cares deeply, listens earnestly, and loves genuinely through action and prayer.  She has been at the birth of both of my babies and was the only person to bring me a card, flowers and a meal when I lost Micah to miscarriage.  She never judges me but offers me solid, honest, Biblical advice even when its hard to take and she does so with complete love.  I am so grateful to God for placing her in my life!

#8.  The Friday-School we attend and all the ladies there.  Check this post if you want to read why.

#9.  My House- although I am often frustrated by its location, layout and size- it's ours.  We have a roof over our heads and these days that truly is something to be thankful for!

#10.  The food on our table- once again, it may seem so simple and cliche, but in a time like this when I honestly don't know how we are going to eat all week, somehow God makes a way or gives me the creativity to keep us fed.

What are you thankful for?

This post is being linked to Top Ten Tuesday at Oh Amanda!

I am also linking to Multitude Monday at A Holy Experience and will be joining the Gratitude Community.

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

On the horizon...

I feel like I have had so much rattling around in my head lately and in all honesty have felt a bit scattered and depressed.  You those times where things just don't seem to be going quite as planned and it feels like you have nothing to grasp onto that makes sense or feels solid.  So, I have been trying to get my bearings and figure out what I'm going to do with myself.  I decided...

Step 1- run fiercely sprint to Jesus!  I need Him.  I need His words pouring into my life and I need to be engulfed by His love, His comfort, His forgiveness, His grace, His wisdom and His guidance.

Okay- next.

Let's build on that.  (wait for it...)

We are trying to get pregnant again.  There, I said it.  Some people might not like it, but guess what- it's not your life, it's mine and I don't feel done having children yet.  Am I going to ever turn into Michelle Duggar?  No.  (although I do have a deep-founded respect for her)  But, yes, I do want a bigger family than I currently have and the sooner I can get these tough baby years wrapped up, the better.

So, getting to the point.  In reflection on Lion Cub's demeanor (high-needs, fairly whiny, busy and a little... angry?) and the state I was in during my pregnancy with him (one of relatively high stress), I feel an intense need to live more peacefully.  I need to create an atmosphere of peace and kindness in my home- to my family and myself.

Now, this is a fine line for me.  I have been floundering between the two worlds of "mom's should be completely fulfilled by meeting the needs of their family- by taking care of their families they are taking care of themselves" and "mom's should ultimately put themselves first in order to be there for their families" for the last couple of years.  Honestly- both extremes leave me feeling spent and guilty for the feelings and attitudes they generate in me.  I have been having to reconcile to come to a balance between these two viewpoints and it is not easy.  I am finding though, that I truly do need to maintain my personal identity and take care of myself in order to take care of my family (emotionally, spiritually and physically) and a little bit of time to recharge my batteries and refresh can be a good and even needed thing as well.  However, none of that can come at the cost of my family.  It's all about balance and it isn't easy.

True to form- I have a plan.

Step 2 (spiritual & emotional health)- sign up for Lorrie Flem's Step Up: Attitude is Everything 6 month series.  Check!  This series was just released this week and will run through the end of February.  It is all about transforming your mind and generating the attitudes that God desires It is a total answer to prayer for me and I am so excited to commit to this journey and see the rewards it will bring.

At some friends' prompting I also plan to start attending MOPS next month and possibly another Bible study at the same church.  

Step 3 (physical health)- This may sound crazy, but for about the past 9 months or so I have been trying to gain weight.  I know, I know, what a cross to bare, right?  But in all honesty, it is a burden for me.  My weight drops very low while I am nursing and I have to make a conscious effort to consume enough calories in order to be healthy.  This is of special concern when I am trying to get pregnant (which I am), especially since I was nursing and my weight was fairly low when I had my miscarriage.  So, there's that.

Adding to that, though, I want to get in better shape without burning too many calories.  Of greatest importance is getting my abs stronger to hopefully help support the weight of a pregnancy.  I have scoliosis and pregnancy causes me a fairly great amount of back and rib pain, so I am hoping that this next time around I can alleviate some of that by strengthening my abs.

Step 4 (doing something for me)- One of my dreams is to someday be a published author, and while I see myself most likely writing a work of non-fiction many years down the road about the lessons I have learned in the trenches of motherhood (or as I often refer to them- "the research years"), I would love to have the opportunity to attempt to publish something before then.  I have trouble following through with my ideas, however, and they always end up piddling out.  So, this November I have decided to attempt NaNo WriMo (or the National Novel Writing Month Challenge).  Basically you are supposed to write a 50,000 word novel between November 1-30.  Now obviously this is a very rough first draft but it is an entire novel and quite an accomplishment if you finish!  

My goal between now and then is to come up with an outline and character sketches to work off of and then hit the ground running on November 1.  I was surprised when perusing the site to see how many people have actually gone on to have their novels published, and while I don't anticipate that happening, it is just the kick in the rear I need to get heading in the right direction!  You can be sure (unless God just puts a total kybosh on this plan) that you will be hearing much more about this in the future- especially in November!

Step 5 (improve and rest)- Save up for, arrange for, and actually attend TEACH on the BEACH March 11-13!  This is a mom's retreat (also put on by Lorrie Flem) that is all about rejuvenating and learning how to be a better wife and mom, and I need it!  I have been wanting to go since I first heard Lorrie speak last March and am determined to go to her retreat next spring.  Just knowing that it is on my calendar gives me something hopeful and meaningful to look forward to and I can't wait!  (And hey- I'm looking for some ladies to go with, so let me know if you're interested!)

Step 6 (pursuit)- Sometime within the next 8 months or so I want to take a couple of cake decorating classes at a local cake supply shop.  I am just starting to get back into the decorating arena (I used to decorate cookies professionally) and I would love to add some skills to my decorating repertoire and possibly be able to take a couple cake orders a month to help subsidize our income.  I currently have one tentative order on the books for next month, but since I am just starting out I am basically doing it for free (the cost of supplies and blog comments)!

So yeah.  That's what I'm thinking.  It feels good to see it all written down.  I am holding all of this in prayer and above all want to do what the Lord is leading me to, so I really feel that I need to remain sensitive to His call, but these are the things on my mind.

Do you have any goals right now?

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

Co-op for moms

It actually isn't a co-op at all anymore.  In fact, many of us refer to it as "Jenny-School" since our lovely and sweet friend not only hosts it but teaches it and puts together all of the activities each week.  We come under the guise of having our children learn together and play but I think there is a real reason for our gathering that is less often spoken of- we want to be there.  We want to hang out and let the kids run slightly wild while we just relish in the fellowship.  It is such a sweet time to look forward to each week.

We met seldomly this summer because of vacations and activities, and I hadn't fully realized how much I missed that time until we regathered this past Friday.  By the time I left I was a little overwhelmed by the realization of what those women and the relief that comes from spending time with them, really does to me.  It is medicine for my soul.  They are such an encouraging, understanding and compassionate group of ladies.  I have joked with Jenny that this will be the boys' homeschool group until they graduate so she had better stick around here!  And although I know that won't really be the case, I so cherish the time that I have with this group right now.

I must admit that often times when I leave I do feel entirely socially awkward.  It seems that being a stay-at-home-mom has dimmed my social skills a bit and I apparently must get giddy when in the presence of other adults which leads to talking too much.  I walk away each week feeling like they must just think I am a total bozo, but somehow they always seem to genuinely welcome when I return the next week.  They baffle me, and I am so grateful for them.

Look what they did for my birthday this year (which of course I never got around to posting because the pictures were on my phone, blah, blah, blah...).  I was so stunned and humbled by their out pouring of love for me.  They had collectively planned a little party for me- their were decorations, flowers, cards, white chocolate huckleberry mouse and even lunch!

Sadly, due to an ear infection for Lion Cub I only got to be there for about a half an hour and missed the lunch, but the fact that they had done all of that for me was so beyond anything I would have ever even thought to expect!  The thought of it still honestly brings tears to my eyes.  I have never been that great at having many girl friends, so the fact that these ladies (many of whom I hadn't even known for that long) would rally around me in this way, just to make me feel special on my birthday, was (and is) beyond words!

So, needless to say, I am thrilled and blessed to once again have Fridays to look forward to!  And I just want to extend my love and thanks to these beautiful women who bring compassion, honesty, kindness and love to my life each week- they represent the definition of friendship.

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

My 400th Post!!!

400 posts!!  It doesn't seem possible!  (okay- so it was actually 2 posts ago and I thought I had it all worked out to post this as the 400th but something went wrong!  Oh well- 402 will have to do!)

Just over three years ago I began this blog, and although there have been slow times and I still often feel a need for direction, this blog has been a haven for me in the midst of an otherwise crazy life.  I appreciate each of my readers so much- especially those who comment and let me know they're there, but I am also keenly aware that I follow many blogs but don't comment nearly as much as I should!  So, I appreciate ALL of you who read, regardless of commentage!

But this post isn't about comments- it's about posts!  Lots of them (well to me anyway)!  Quite frankly I'm frequently amazed that I find a way to post at all much of the time with these two lovable but slightly insane kiddos!  Anymore, though, I find that not blogging is no more an option than not breathing.  Between dirty diapers, cleaning bathrooms and making dinner, this is one of the few places that gives me respite and allows me to remember who I am.

To be completely honest I would have to say that as much as I am in my blog it has grown to be in me over these years as well.  I take pictures of my children largely based on how well they will look on my blog.  I also realized while thumbing through the photos on my iPhone the other day with an old friend who wanted to see pictures of my kids, that I have an inordinate number of pictures of food!  I had no other way to explain the 10 pictures of a dutch baby pancake to him than to say, "Sorry- I'm a blogger!". That summed it up!

This blog had humble beginnings as all blogs do, I suppose, and is obviously still humble in many ways!  There have been some posts that I have been very proud of and others that were rather inconsequential.  One thing, for certain, though, ties them all together- they all contain a piece of me.  To commemorate this momentous occasion, I thought I would give you a glimpse back over some of my favorite posts in the last three years.  So, here goes!  Enjoy and let me know what you think!  ;-)

• My Cloth diapering series called What's Up with Cloth- I wrote this in the very beginning before blogging about cloth diapers was trendy!  
• Down on the Farm- a post about our first trip to our local and very personal dairy farm!
• Who Says Motherhood doesn't change you?  A just plain real post about momhood!
• Julie Powel Didn't Have Children!  Another one of those real mom posts!
• Unexpected Lessons in Hospitatlity- oh what you can learn from a four-year old!
• Finally Introducing...  Lion Cub's Homebirth story!
• I Made Dryer Balls!  A tutorial.
• Lightning McQueen Cake... Caachow!  Rhythm's 2nd birthday cake!
• Nachooooooo!!  The Nacho Libre Costume I made for Rhythm at 1 1/2!

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

My little addiction...

It's true.  I just can't help myself.  I wish I could say that the little addiction I am going to share with you was merely one to chocolate- that I could handle!  I could more than handle it- I could be completely okay with it (since, clearly, I already am).  But no, this addiction is much more serious.  You see, when I stumble across a new blog that even slightly resembles something that I may be interested in, that small little button that either holds the word "follow" or "subscribe" beckons my name and I simply cannot resist.  It is a weakness.  A sickness really.  One person should not have upwards of 200 blogs in their Google Reader!  It isn't healthy!  I have 23 blogs that begin with the letter "M" alone!  There is no way that anyone could honestly and genuinely follow that many blogs!

For instance, at this moment I have 725 posts in my reader. 725!!!  (And that is up from the 712 it was merely at the start of writing this post!)  I have been trying to widdle this down over the last week or so, and it didn't start off as that many, but you know how it is, as soon as I get one post read then 4 more get published and added to the list in its place!  Plus, much of the time I scroll through my reader on my phone if I am not able to get to the computer.  So, I always "save as unread" the posts that I like, want to see on the big screen, or want to tumbl- but if I am not able to get to my reader on my computer for a day or so these really add up!

If I were to ask my parents about this predicament, I am sure they would harken back to my yesteryears when I would even refuse to sleep for fear of missing something... anything really.  It is a plague.  Ingrained in my character since birth.  Each time I dare to even consider hitting the little "unsubscribe" button, that nagging, sing-songy little voice whispers, "But what if they post something really good?!  You'll never know..."

Want to hear the even crazier and almost funny part?!  I really have been trying to chisel up my reader lately- get down to the blogs that I truly love and know that I absolutely don't want to miss.  So, I have actually been unsubscribing from a few blogs here and there.  One day I even went through and did I big purge and was starting to feel a little bit better about my situation.  For some reason, however, Google keeps adding these blogs back into my reader!!!  Ahhhh!!  I have no other reasonable explanation for it and the only thing I can think is that these phantom blog subscriptions are stalking me!  I can't break free!

If anyone has a suggestion for how to handle all of this (including permanently deleting subscriptions from my Google Reader) I would love to hear them.  Until then I will hold my breath, close my eyes and click the "Mark all as read" button with a cringe and shiver down my spine. I am sure I will be missing a plethora of good great incredible ideas, but lets face it 722 is just not a number that this swamped mama can even comprehend, let alone conquer!  Well, here goes nothin'...

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

Trial Week- for REAL!

Alright, so, last week's efforts to have a little trial run on our new routine ended up being completely thwarted by my ridiculous sickness.  While I am still not 100% (say maybe 85%?  Still coughing and dealing with ever-shifting ribs) but am feeling up for a second try at our trial run!

In all honesty, I knew that taking this trial run on our routine for a couple of weeks before our actual school year begins (on August 16) would be helpful, but I didn't realize that it would be vital until actually trying it today!  This new routine thing has a lot more adapting and learning involved than I had expected- and not just for me but the kiddos too!  I decided to implement Rhythm's new chores today (and let's be honest- get a little more consistent with the old ones!) and his new chore system (which will be detailed in a future post  on our family & homeschooling blog).  He eventually did complete all of them, but it took a lot of reminding, explaining and instruction.

Man oh man, am I ever glad that I did it today and NOT on our first morning of school!!  We have two whole weeks for him to get used to what his morning is supposed to run like and what is expected of him, before we get down and dirty with our curriculum!  I had toyed with the idea of starting our school year earlier (mostly from just being anxious!), even in just small amounts, but now I am really glad that we have two weeks left to get everything completely organized, our new routine in motion (which I will be posting on after we actually try it and make any necessary tweaks), and both of us sufficiently pumped up for school!

So all in all, from the outside, it would probably look like Day #1 of Trial Run week is shaping up as a fail, I am quite pleased with our progress!  I did manage to get out of bed by 7:15 (aiming for 6:45 tomorrow!), Rhythm did complete all his chores, I did complete dinner preparations by 1:30pm (crockpot and side salad), I did do a load of laundry, and I did get one out of two bathrooms cleaned!  OH- AND- I'm getting in a blog post!!!  While it isn't everything on my list, it is a far cry from nothing!  Tomorrow can only get better, right?!

Oh, and I did consider posting our menu for this week, but taking into account that pretty much everything in our lives that I had planned for last week got shifted to this week, there really isn't anything different to post!  I will, however, be getting around to posting those recipes I promised (and hopefully our monthly meal plan by the end of the week)!

And with that, I'll leave you with some recent cuteness!

Another little health update

Alright, I promise there is more fun stuff to come!  But, for those of you who are interested, I wanted to give you another little health update.  As it turns out, very late Sunday evening and again on Monday afternoon, I popped a few ribs out of place in my upper back right next to my spine from the horrible coughing I have been having associated with my walking pneumonia.  Actually, 4 of them to be exact.  Two of them seem to have slipped out over a period of days probably, while the other two literally popped out- I could hear them snap!  It has been some of the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced!  As I told my mom, I would rather give birth to Lion Cub again then go through this (notice I said Lion Cub's birth- NOT Rhythm's!!)!

I finally broke down and had my husband drive me to my chiropractor last night (who stayed open after hours for me) so that she could pop them back into place.  She said that in reality, my entire skeletal structure was pretty out of whack (which I knew, but dealt with) and gave me one of the harshest adjustments of my life! 

I am still in quite a bit of pain, but am hoping that it will relent soon.  My grandmother came over and picked me and the boys up today (since I am in too much pain to drive) and took us over to her house so she could help me take care of them and allow me to rest, which in all actuality, I haven't done much of through this whole sickness.  I have felt like I needed to just keep pushing through, truckin' along with my organizing and preparing for the start of our school year and essentially the entire reorganization of my life, but this whole rib thing has really side-lined me.  I can't even pick up Lion Cub.  I mean, he is a hefty little sucker, but even lifting up his booty up to change his diaper is an absolute killer.

I know there is a lesson in all of this- probably that I need start taking better care of myself and listening when my body is telling me to slow down and rest.  I'm not very good at that.  As my mom would say, this is a character building experience!

I would greatly appreciate your prayers, and like I said- happier posts are on the way!

The "trial run" week

Alright- a little update first off.  Friday morning I woke up essentially feeling like I was dying and decided we were going to have to divert some of the money that would otherwise be going towards bills to get me into urgent care.  First off they took my blood pressure and the nurse though something was wrong with the machine because it read at 91/53.  She checked it again and there was very little change.  A nurse friend of mine later told me that I was 2 points away from being admitted to the hospital and I run a pretty high risk of sepsis.  Fun.  So far I have been dizzy a few times but all in all, seem to be alright.

After an x-ray and an albuteral nebulizer treatment (and lots of comments about how horrible I sounded and how terribly sick I was) the doctor finally agreed that it was, indeed, pneumonia.  So he put me on two more antibiotics to try to cover the full range of what is plaguing me and he gave me an inhaler so I can actually breathe!.  All that to say, that I am glad I finally got treated for real and my prognosis is about another two weeks of fatigue, coughing and shortness of breath, but the "gunk" should go away in the next couple of days.  Oh- and I'm not contagious!  Just in case you know me in real life you don't have to run scared!

Anyhoo!  I have been working very hard over the last few weeks to get things organized for fall (and really, for our life in general!).  I still have a bit left to do but am at a place where I think it would be smart to give it a trial run.  So, this week we will be testing out the new routine I have been working on along with a light school schedule and early-prep on almost all of our meals and snacks.  Once I get the schedule fully tweaked I will be posting it for you all to see and possibly glean from (or laugh at- whichever suits your fancy), and I will also be doing quite a few menu-planning and recipe posts, including pre-prepped breakfast and lunch ideas!  So, stay tuned!  It should be a great week!