Monday, July 12, 2010

Thank the heavens!

Alright, after about a month of Safari not working and on-going problems with blogger and firefox not liking working together, my wonderful husband was finally able to fix my Safari program!  So, assuming that I actually am able to start pulling my sorry booty out of bed earlier in the morning, and my children stay asleep, I am hoping to start posting more frequently and better quality.

But, they have to come first.  I think I have been producing less than quality work in a lot of areas of my life lately and feel that I am on the cusp of just diving in and fixing up my life.   Lately I've been in one of those re-evaluating modes that I think we all get into from time to time.  Ya know, those points in your life when you ask the big questions about who you are, what defines you, what you want your life (home, family, etc) to look and feel like- well, you get the idea.  I have been praying a lot about where God is leading me and my family in a lot of areas, and one of them is blogging.

So, I've spent hours, mostly in the wee hours of the night, examining my blog life.  Afterall, it does consume a good deal of my time and energy and has, I believe, worked it's way into the core of who I am.  I rarely look at anyhing without the blogging lense anymore- it's ingrained in me.

But then I start thinking "well, what kind of blogger am I?  How do my blogs stand out from the rest?  Is there a way to consolidate or restructure to make my blogs more applealing, useful, memorable and the like?  Why don't I have more readers/commentors?  More importantly, am I writing more for them or myself?" (ok- that was a long thought!)

Beyond that, I daily pour over my ever increasing Google Reader, staring at creative and wonderful posts by bloggers who are "better" than me, more successful, and I begin to question nearly everything about my blog.  "Maybe I should do that like them," or "possibly I should add something like she did." But then, isn't that missing the point completely?  If I try to make my blog like someone else's then it isn't really mine anymore.  A blog should, above all things, be true to who you are- your style, the way you sound, how you see the world.

While I love my blogging life, I spend a lot of time worrying over it and just not getting where I want to.  I spend a lot of time looking at other blogs, and numbers, and wishing I was more successful, more original, more whatever.  Not anymore.  While I don't feel I am supposed to give up my blog completely, I do think the Lord wants me to be more responsible and authentic.  I think He wants this blog of mine to be more of a ministry and less about popularity.  My blogging is about our life- no one elses, and it is never going to be.

So, from here forword I vow (to myself) to not post anyhing without first praying about it, and second asking myself if it is a true representation of me.  I pride myself on being transparent but I think I need to make sure I am putting as much emphasis on being authentic (which isn't necessarily the same thing) and viewing my blog as a ministry.
I can't not lie- it absolutely makes my day when I write a post that draws a lot of attention and people's interests are captivated by what I have to say.  But who wouldn't feel that way?!  However, if that is your main drive to blog then you have just turned your blog into somethig about everyone else and missed out on so many opportunities to learn about yourself.

So whether that means I have 1000 followers or 1, this blog needs to be what He wants it to be- nothing more, nothing less.  I will do my best to facilitate that.  And more over, I will not let my life be about this blog- this blog has to be about my life!  'Cause if I am failing at life, than what worthwhile do I really have to blog about?!