A little heart broken...

Last night I found out that the Friday co-op/moms group I have so raved about, counted on and sought reprieve in, has been canceled.  This Friday will be the final meeting.  The short of it is, the wonderful family who hosts it will be moving in a few months and are simply unable to continue- it just won't work for them.

I get that.  And I respect the mama for so putting her family first and doing what is absolutely best for them.  She follows Jesus daily.  Deliberately.  I still have much to learn from her, but now will not have the chance.

Honestly, I'm heart broken.  Fridays were the one day a week that I really had the chance to be around other women (or adults at all for that matter).  I have learned soooo much from them.  Wisdom just seems to pour out of these ladies each week.  Jesus is there those days.  And more over, they are some of the most lovely and wonderful women you could ever meet- genuinely caring and a total kick in the pants to top it off.  

You can see it in their children because they are all as lovely, sweet, kind and goofy as their mothers.  Not the kind of kids you're bothered by, but the kind you could love almost as much as your own.

I always left Fridays with a lighter burden.  At a time in my life that has been fairly void of hope or encouragement, these women lifted me up and gave me a break.  

To say I will miss these days would be a gross understatement.  I wept a little last night.  I suppose from fear of loosing my friends, who I mostly only saw on these days.  And more over, loosing myself.  Loosing myself to the trials and hardships of this life without that fellowship to keep me afloat.

I'm a little broken right now.

I know Jesus has bigger plans.  I KNOW that.  But sometimes, when disappointment after disappointment are heaped on your plate, you want to feel His guidance more than know it.  You want Him to fill the gaps in your aching soul more quickly.  You want answers.  You want Him to just say, "This is what I have for you next, this is what it looks like and this is when it's coming."

But if there is one thing I'm constantly reminded of, things don't happen in my timing, they happen in His.  And every time I rush ahead of him, I live to regret it in big ways.

So, I'm waiting on You, Jesus.  But just so You know, I'm pretty tired and I could really use some love and care about now.  

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

Humbled and Thankful

"Babe"  My husband spoke in a hushed tone, standing in our bedroom doorway.

"Hmm?"

"Hey Babe!"

"What?"  I mumbled in my half-asleep, nursing a baby state.

"Can you come up stairs or will he wake up right now?"

"He'll wake up.  What's going on?"

"Someone left like 5 bags of groceries on our doorstep last night!"

Now I was awake.  Who could it have been?  Possibilities swirled through my head.  It's not as though I had been particularly quiet about our current circumstances (am I ever really that quiet about anything?), and just tend to vent (I know, I know- I'm working on it!) but never with the expectation that anyone do anything about what I've said.  It could have been anyone.

The constant stress of money that has been increasingly present in our lives just kind of comes out- bleh- but who isn't feeling the tightness of the economy?  I'm no worse off than a lot of other people.  And I mean for goodness sake, one of my best friends lives with the reality of having her sweet baby in the hospital every day!  Who am I, really, to be complaining?!

After a few more minutes I managed to get Lion Cub settled back into his sweet dreams and climb the stairs to find bags upon bags of food covering my kitchen table.  A variety of bags, proving my suspicions that it was a brigade of phantom givers.

Fairly anonymous products now grace the shelves of my fridge and pantry.  Although, a few "special" items were a dead giveaway as to the identity of at least one of the benefactors- Apple Cranberry Pie Filling, Pumpkin Bread Mix and Gingerbread Brownie Mix- all from Trader Joe's.  Seeing as how we don't have a Trader Joe's in these parts (yet) and this particular friend recently returned from California and served me Apple Cranberry Cider from Trader Joe's just last Friday when I was at her home, I'm more than a little certain that she was involved.  Her participation gives me a fairly good idea of who her accomplices were as well- likely the same women who blessed me beyond my dreams on my birthday last April.

And I just have to say that these ladies are some of the most lovely friends I have ever met!  They have no hesitation in sharing Christ's love, listening to His nudging and just giving, giving, giving!  I hold all of them dear, and yet many of them I really haven't even known that long.  They are beautiful women in every sense of the word!

We are humbled and grateful for this outpouring of generosity during a very difficult season.  If you are reading this ladies- THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!  A million times- THANK YOU!

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

Please Keep Praying!

Sweet baby Ella still needs your prayers!  Erik and Christa are headed home from the hospital today- a very hard step without their baby girl.

I had the privilege of spending a few hours with Christa last night at the hospital.  We cried together, looked through pictures of her precious daughter and even laughed a little.  We continue to hope and plead with the Lord for a miracle for Ella.  He is the great physician and I know He CAN heal her.

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

Please Keep Praying!

Sweet baby Ella still needs your prayers!  Erik and Christa are headed home from the hospital today- a very hard step without their baby girl.

I had the privilege of spending a few hours with Christa last night at the hospital.  We cried together, looked through pictures of her precious daughter and even laughed a little.  We continue to hope and plead with the Lord for a miracle for Ella.  He is the great physician and I know He CAN heal her.

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

Lightning McQueen Cake... Caachow!!!

Alright, so it is a month and a half late but here none the less! This is the prized Lightning McQueen cake I made for my son's 2nd birthday party! Humble... not quite. Fun... absolutely!! Roman loves the movie Cars and was so excited to have his cake shaped like his favorite character! He kept sneaking into the kitchen to see me making it.

At one point, just after I had carved it, I left the room for a few minutes and all of the sudden noticed that things hand grown just a little too quiet around our humble little abode! I quickly rushed back into the kitchen to find Roman precariously balancing on the steering wheel of his scoot-along Mater the Tow Truck with his hand poised over the cake, ready to take a big fistful! I screamed in horror as he quickly scrambled down- luckily the crisis was averted, even if I did scare the living daylights out of him!

Side View!

Top View!

Happy Birthday Bud! Blow out your candles and make a wish! We love you!

Join me!!!

This is a call to all the mamas out there who want a serious Bible Study but have a hard time actually being able to attend one! I recently found this awesome online Bible Study program by Beth Moore called Believing God. The basis of the study is all about strengthening our faith- about believing what God says, not just believing in Him. By enrolling in the online program you are able to watch video messages for each week (one per week for 10 weeks), download homework (5 days a week) and have access to an online study tool library and forum with women from all around the world participating in the program. The program costs $23.95 but I think it will be well worth it- you can always do what I am doing and ask for it for Christmas!! Also, if you don't want to have to print out all of the homework you can buy the member book for $14.95 off the Lifeway website.

So, here is the deal- I thought it would be really fun to start an online small group of bloggin' mamas participating in the study. I don't know, it just sounds like a cool idea, don't 'ya think? It could kind of be like a blog ring of mamas doing the Believing God study. That way not only could we take a deeper look at how the study is influencing each other's lives but we could share our experiences with others. I think this could be an amazing opportunity to form a tight-knit group of bloggin' mamas who are sisters in Christ! I am totally open to mamas without blogs to participate as well! I just think the bloggin' aspect could be an added bonus but I don't want anyone left out who wants to participate.

So, is anyone interested? Post a reply to this post if you are and I will let you know all the details of our group!

NACHOOOOOOOO!!!

Well, here he is ladies and gentlemen- Nacho Libre!! We decided to go ahead and dress Roman up this year for Halloween, even though we are not big supporters of the holiday. We came to the conclusion that until he reaches an age that we can explain him the real meanings of Halloween and why we don't like it it makes more sense to let him participate so that he doesn't just fee left out.

I toyed around with lots of different costume ideas, including Jr. Asparagus from Veggie Tales and Evil Kanevil, but finally settled on Nacho Libre!
I entered JoAnn Fabrics with iPhone in hand so I could get on the internet and access pictures of the real costume and I had a little costume shopping spree to find all the different fabrics and accessories I would need. I ended up sewing right up to the last minute but I think the costume came out pretty accurately, which was what I was aiming for. I made everything- right down to the boots! I found some pleather fabric and once I got the outsides of the shoes sewn together I glued them to an old pair of flip flops!

We went to a local mall to trick-or-treat and to my amazement Roman kept his mask on most of the night! He seamed to really like all of the attention he was getting! People would stop from all the way across the mall and say "Hey, it's Nacho!!" Everyone loved it and he was the only Nacho in sight! Well, I guess not everyo0ne loved it- his little friends Elijah and Evalina were actually quite terrified of him with the mask on, but other than that he was a huge hit!

We also stopped by Grammy & Pappy's that night so they could see him all dressed up. They loved it (and so did his cousins!) and it was fun for him to be able to hand some candy out at their door. I think he actually liked handing candy out better than receiving it! Go figure! I am sure that will change in a few short years!

Later that night we also snapped a few shots of Roman in his new "Big Brother" shirt so that out of tow relatives could get in on the news. This is one "costume" I don't think he understands the full scope of. The role of Big Brother is still rather elusive and with each passing month I wonder more about how he will adjust to a new little one in the house. Only time will tell!

Grab your coat and get your hat...

We are headed for Leavenworth! Waahoo! I received a very unexpected call from Jer this morning letting me know that some good friends of ours had invited us to go on a little overnight weekend getaway to a quaint German-like village on the other side of our state- TOMORROW!! It is completely last minute but will be a much needed reprieve from the stress that has been enveloping our lives as of late! The couple, Denver and Vanessa, have a little girl, Evalina, who is very close to Roman in age so it should be a lot of fun!

We have some other friends that might come along too, but their son (who is also Roman's age) is quite particular about his sleeping arrangements. Ya know, it's funny, because people criticize me about how Roman sleeps (still co-sleeping a lot of the time) and yet when it comes to situations such as this, he is SO much more portable! He really is pretty good at going with the flow of things! I can't complain! Plus, the longer he half co-sleeps with us the more I think that it is normal. I mean, that is the way families slept throughout most of time. He is only 1 1/2- it is completely natural for him to fell the need to be close to his mother at night and I think he should be able to be until he naturally has the urge to sleep on his own. This portion of their lives is so small comparatively- so why not? Of course, I know that Jer doesn't think this way and one day soon I am going to have to officially get him to sleep on his own, and I suppose as I get bigger I won't want him in there anyway. I just hope that we can get his room finished quickly so the transition is smoother. We shall see!

"Please," the lake, and good nurishment!

Okay- happy mama gush! Roman started signing "please" on Tuesday! We hardly ever give him sugar, but I was going to give him a small bite of a cookie and I told him to say "more please." He started signing more a while back but hasn't been using it lately. Well, to my surprise, instead of "more" he started signing "please!" Now he is the "please" king! He points to things he wants and signs "please!" I tell him, "No, don't climb on the chair," and he signs "please!" It is so cute! It makes saying no to the things he is doing wrong very difficult! It is just so fun to see his communication expanding! He now tries to copy the words we say and he really watches our mouths! I love it! It is like having a little friend with me all day! Umm... the joys of motherhood!

On that motherly note, I just got the most wonderful book (and a new Bible since Roman had done quite the number on my other one!). The book is by Lisa Whelchel (ya know, Blair, from The Facts of Life?) and is called "The Busy Mom's Guide to Bible Study". It teaches moms how to really get a lot out of the abbreviated times we find to spend in the Word. She has such loving and practical advice for mothers and is a beautiful writer. I have read a few of her other books also, "Taking Care of the Me in Mommy" and her book on homeschooling- both were wonderfully helpful and I highly recommend them! In fact, I plan on reading them both again because they were just so packed with awesome information and insight!

My goal is to start waking up earlier in the morning so that I can really have a chunk of time that I can just focus on getting myself prepared for the day. To just be able to sit in my rocking chair, drink a cup of tea, read my Bible and truly spend time with the Lord, without the distraction of a zillion other things, would make such a difference to my day! To also be able to maybe do some yoga and take care of a few little things before Roman emerges from his slumber would just be so nice! If I only didn't feel so tired every morning! Oh Lord, give me the grace to get my butt out of bed!

And now, onto an entirely different subject- the lake!! Yesterday I headed up to Coeur d'Alene with a few of my friends and their kiddos who are all around Roman's age and we had so much fun! It started off kind of rocky when I was supposed to go meet the mama I was car pooling with and discovered I had a very flat tire (which Jer went and got fixed this morning, bless his heart!). But the other mama graciously drove all the way across town (about a half an hour out of her way) to come pick us up! After that things got much better! The kids chatted hysterical baby jabber to each other the whole way there, while my girl friend and I compared our possible pregnancy symptoms (we will be testing within two days of each other!) and just got a chance to chit chat rather undistractedly!

Once we got there the kids had so much fun playing in the sand and water! Roman was the craziest of the bunch of course! That boy always keeps me on my toes! While the other mamas were even able to sneak a few minutes here and there to lay on their towels and read magazines I was constantly chasing a (hmmm, shall we call him adventurous?) toddler! But when it comes right down to it, would I have him any other way? He may be more work then some, but I love his personality and know that he is destined to be a leader! Plus- he makes sure I get my exercise, right?!

Sweet, Sweet Summer & need for a reprieve...

Is there anything really like it? Kids playing in the sprinklers while you relax in the shade and watch their joy as you sip a cool glass of water? Today Roman and I went to a friends' house where four of us mamas (all having kids relatively close together) regularly gather and let the kiddos play while we chit chat and get a little "girlfriend time." The house has a lovely backyard with lots of room to run and things to explore. They recently finished a beautiful patio area with a pergola and have had a nice little swimming pool up all summer that is the perfect height for the munchkins but deep enough for us mamas to cool off in too! And of course there is always the spinkler to play in as well!

When I really think about it though, I guess I really didn't get much relaxing, more chasing my crazy 15 month old! What a little instigator! The other kids can be completely well behaved and then along comes Roman! What a handful!Now don't get me wrong- I love him to death! He is my son! God gave him to me and I wouldn't want him any other way! But lets face it, there are those days when you feel like you are at your breaking point, and this week has had a few of them! I think we have some serious teething going on and on top of it I have had some shipping mishaps with a few recent orders I have sent out. Sometimes when he is clingy and the only way to keep him calm is to hold him (with his left hand inevitably down my shirt "twiddling" and his right thumb in his mouth!) while I am trying to juggle everything else at the same time- you just want to call for a time out! Any mama of a young child can sympathize I am sure! Where is my reprieve? Where is that place that I can escape to and just be by myself for a few moments, with no one touching me, and not have one bazzilion things running through my head?

Hence the name of my blog! Someday, I will have a studio all to myself! I will make that one room as girlly as I want, have all my projects, supplies and books just where I want them, have a big window with a wonderful view and lots of natural light, and best of all- a lock on the door!

For now, this is that place. This blog is my studio- the place I escape to late at night, when everyone is asleep, to recapture a little bit of me. In this place I collect my projects and thoughts to share them with whoever might listen and look...

...and then I find a project, a collaboration if you may, of some of the most beautiful art I have ever seen- Roman's first chalk art (I made the "R" or course- that is where the collaborating came in!). And when I look at simple little things like this, and can find such joy and beauty, I know this whole mothering thing is more than worth it. These are the things that I live for and they make those frustrating moments feel small. Well, smaller anyway...

To every mama out there... find your studio... your place to be you... take those moments and breathe...