FYI: Rhythm is in the hospital

This past Sunday Rhythm came down with what we thought was a stomach bug.  He complained of a stomach ache and threw up for hours, unable to hold anything down.

Monday the vomiting stopped but the pain increased.  By the end of the day he didn't even want to walk.

Tuesday my mom came and picked up Lion Cub and I took Rhythm to the ER- he refused to walk at all by then and would not uncurl from the ball he had huddled himself in.

More than 2 hours after arriving at the ER we were finally seen by a doctor and told that he likely had an appendicitis.  This diagnosis was confirmed by an ultrasound about an hour later, but it was thought that the appendix had not yet perforated.

By 5:20pm Rhythm, no longer even speaking at this point, was rolled into surgery.

Around 7:20 he was taken to recovery and we were informed that his appendix had perforated.  Luckily his colon had flopped on top of it, essentially acting as a blanket on the fire and limiting the damage, but none the less, a leak had sprung.  They thoroughly lavaged his abdominal cavity but he is still extremely at risk of abscess, which would not present itself until 5-7 days after surgery.  He is on three different IV antibiotics and will be in the hospital 5 days-2 weeks.

Yesterday was mostly about pain management.  He was given morphine every 3 hours and a heavy duty ibuprofen every 6.  He walked to the bathroom a couple of times, at mom's prompting, but mostly stayed in bed.  His temperament was good and he worked well with the nurses.  His bowel tones were still low, so he wasn't allowed to eat, but he never had a fever and did quite well.

Today was more difficult.  He was off the morphine and handling pain well, for the most part, but his attitude had turned very grim.  He was argumentative and uncooperative.  When he spiked a fever of 100.4 late in the day, he spit out his tylenol and a nurse actually had to hold his mouth shut and blow in his face to get him to swallow on the second try.  Although he was allowed to start soft foods, he was so picky about what he wanted (specifically- a donut or a muffin) that it was difficult to get him to eat.

I made him get out of bed a few times.  We walked to the end of the hall to check out a movie to watch and he mumbled and complained the whole trip.  At one point a nurse came up and told him what a great job he was doing.  His response?  "My looser mom made me come out here and walk.  I'm so mad!"  (Alright, so I was actually trying really hard not to laugh while I told him that he was being inappropriate and disrespectful!)

After the fever situation and some sudden, increased pain, we realized he was experiencing gas pains as his bowels truly began to wake up.  I once again made him get out of bed and walk down to the movies and playroom.  He SCREAMED the whole way down the hall, and continued to carry on as I left him in the hallway and said that even if he wasn't going to check out the playroom, I was!

A few minutes later his interests were peaked and he ventured into the room himself.  Well, wouldn't ya know?  He wanted to spend the rest of the evening in there!  He played Wii with his dad and would hardly go back to his room!  It is amazing how much things can fluctuate in a matter of a few hours!  We pray he keeps that attitude and continues to heal, avoiding further complications.

For me, it has been a trying and exhausting ordeal.  Although I know he is hopefully on the road to recovery, it is very difficult to see your little one in so much pain and have to push them to do things that hurt, even when they get so mad at you, because you know it what's best for them.  It has been especially difficult to also have Lion Cub be so young, an age when he still needs me very much and has difficulty sleeping without me.  Plus, he is just a handful and can become very taxing on those who are watching him.  I feel so torn and inadequate- needing to take care of two boys who are in different locations.  I feel spread thin.  My husband is also still working full time, which makes it even more difficult, knowing he needs sleep, and food.

I feel as though I am wading through a bit of a fog. Even when I am with Rhythm during the day at the hospital and he is sleeping, I just sometimes feel... blank.  Too much going through my head.  Lots weighing on my shoulders.  So much to take care of and no way to do it.  It is a very isolated and alone feeling.

Sometimes, even though I want to pray, I just don't have the words, or the energy.  I just keep thinking, "God, please know where I am at right now, what we are going through, and fill in what I should be saying to you.  Heal my boy, be with Lion Cub and whoever has the task of managing him, and just help."

I am just trying to do the next thing, as a dear friend shared with me the other day.  Right now, that is all I can do.  I don't know how long I am going to have to try to juggle all this, but somehow it all has to get done.  I don't know how long Rhythm will have to go through all this, but he is such a trooper and I am so proud of him.

Living in the midst of a trial and expectantly waiting on what the Lord will show me through it,

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

A little poll- how do you wear your socks! Help me out here!

Alright- I don't usually do this, but I would love whatever input you guys could give me! 

Let me explain.  For the last 7 years my husband and I have been debating over whether socks are "footed."  He contends that socks retain the shape of whichever foot you wear them on, so you should continue to always wear them on the same foot.  I, on the other hand, just. put. them. on! 

Just after we were married I had folded his socks and he got all frustrated because I had apparently folded righties with righties and lefties with lefties. I believe my response was something along the lines of,

"Crazy say what?!  Well, I ain't foldin' yo' socks no mo', fool!!"

And I haven't ever since.



What?  We kind of live in the hood!  Sometimes it brings out the ghetto in me!

Anyhoo!  Over the years, this little debate of ours comes up over and over again and we spar over it (all in good fun, but both being very sure that we are right!).  Well, it came up again last night, so we decided to finally put the discussion to rest be conducting very scientific polls on FB and my blog!

So please weigh in- right over there on the left!  (If you are reading in a reader you will have to hop on over to my blog to cast your vote in the left sidebar)

Oh, and by the way- my husband vows that he is going to come out with The Uni-Foot Shoe sometime next year if we all say that socks don't have a foot!  I keep telling him it is totally different, but he is adamant!  (We're both pretty head strong- I guess that's why we work!)

Be sure to visit my sponsor- Marmee's Bread Market- for recipes and everything else you need to easily make fresh baked goods for your family!

Lion Cub is 1!!!

Ok- please forgive me!  I meant to publish this post on Wednesday (his actual birthday!) but it just didn't work out!  I kept it written the same way though because it just reads better that way!  Sorry about that!

A year ago today, I was 15 days "overdue.". 

A year ago today, I woke up at 6:45am with consistent contractions.

(Yup- that was me in labor!)

A year ago today, I rocked through 4 hours of labor (if I do say so myself), walked into my bedroom, climbed into a tub and pushed out a baby in 4 contractions!

In other words, a year ago today, at 11:04am Lion Cub was born!

I don't know where the last year has gone!  It was filled with many long days and yet it flew by!  Now Lion Cub is walking, climbing, destroying everything, laughing, starting to use the big boy potty and showing us new aspects of his silly personality every day!  It is difficult to remember what life was really like before he was here- when we were a family of three and R-Man was an only child.  We went through so much to add another little person to our family and now the fact that he has been in our lives for a whole year just feels surreal!

Happy 1st Birthday Lion Cub!  We love you so much and are so proud of you!  

...now all he needs is a little sister!

Sick AGAIN!!

Well, my big plans for my blog this week are going to have to wait a bit since both boys are sick with fevers... AGAIN!  Dang!  They have only been better for about a week and a half and here we go with round two!  Bummer!  Poor guys! 

Off to go comfort sick little people!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Here is R-Man enjoying a little cereal with green milk!  He got a total kick out of it and it was so easy to make!  I just stuck a permanent marker into the milk for a few minutes and let it bleed to turn the milk a sufficient shade, and viola'!  Green milk!

Alright, just seeing if you're paying attention!  Of COURSE I didn't stick a permanent marker in my son's milk this morning!  I used washable!  ;-)

Anyway!  We seem to be on the mend.  The boys are doing much better and my husband went and had a hole drilled in his ear drum this morning so they could unplug his eustation tube (ooooo- I'm getting all fancy on ya now!) and suck the fluid out!  Doesn't that just sound horrible?!  He said the worst part was the anesthetic and the weird thing is that now he can hold his nose and blow, and air comes out his ear!  Freaky!  All should be better in a couple of days which we are very thankful for!

So, with the overall improvement of our life I am beginning to feel re-inspired and re-motivated!  I am planning lots of wonderful posts that I am sure you just can't barely stand to wait for, but you're gonna have to!  They are coming though! 

In the mean time- 

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Sick is the word!

Okay, seriously!  This is ridiculous!  In the past two weeks we have had:

• our first visit to minor emergency for an injury (Lion Cub banging his face resulting in copious amounts of blood from impacted teeth and a busted frenulum- ya know that piece of skin between your upper lip and front teeth!?  Erg- a squirm just thinking about it!), 
• our first visit to the doctor for an illness with the kids (R-Man had croop), 
• our first visit to the ER (from 2:00am- 5:00am last Friday- Lion Cub had been screaming for hours and ended up having a double ear infection), 
• our second visit to the doctor for an illness (horrible fevers for both boys and R-Man got the double ear infection as well!), 
• my husband's first ear infection (and plugged ear) of his life, 
• our third visit to the doctor for an illness (Lion Cub's ear infection was not improving and his cough was becoming worse), 
• and one of our children receiving a shot for the first time (antibiotics for Lion Cub since the first round have apparently not been working and he sprays them all over us when we try to give them to him!).  

(pant, pant, pant)

Oh, and I am sick as well, but that is nothing new!

Needless to say, I have had my hands a little full!  Every now and again, between screams, whines, snot and cold baths, I have shot a longing glance at my computer, wishing I could escape the madness and fully enter my virtual life, but clearly that is not a viable option. 

I'm a mom.  

At one point Lion Cub upchucked his last meal (just breastmilk) all over him and myself and I managed to get him stripped down but hadn't changed myself- it was honestly the last thing on my mind (see related post here).  When R-Man spotted the drying spot he asked what it was, and after I told him, this is what he said, "Well, maybe you should just get something like a rag to clean that off."

Thank you son, I'll get right on that.

But honestly, with the current state of our family, really, what's the point?

So yeah, that is why I haven't been around.  But I'm coming back!  In our sickness I have managed to get some really great reading done and watched a Charlotte Mason seminar on DVD that was absolutely fantastic and I will definitely be sharing about that with you all!  It just might take a couple of days! 

But I love you all- and miss you!  Desperately!

I feel French today!

Last night I went and picked up my reserved copy of Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking from the library, and today, in honor of my husband's 34th birthday I have been running all over town picking up food items from specialty shops to bless him with an all-out French dinner!  Complete with creme puffs bought at at a real bakery called Petit Chat (see- I slipped in French wherever I could!) and the finest cuts of meat from a real meat market, it is sure to impress and bless! 

Well, that is my hope any way!  In fact, I bought selections of different meats for him to enjoy throughout the whole weekend because what does a man really want for his birthday anyway other than a good helping of meat?  Oh, and apparently, according to Julia Child, lots of butter! 

Yes, I hope I dazzle his taste buds and make him feel honored.  He deserves it!  He works so hard for our family and is such a good daddy and husband! 

And to be totally honest, I am really enjoying picking up our food from stores that focus just one what I am buying- I really do feel European!  The bread is so soft and fragrant, the meats so perfectly wrapped in their paper packages, and as I carried it all into my house with a perfectly sized brown paper bag in each arm it felt nothing short of quaint!  I am sure it also helps that my grandmother is watching the boys so there is no hasseling with car seats and crying, just shear shopping bliss!

I digress.

You are a good man Jeremiah and I love you!  I hope you have the best 34th birthday one can possibly have and enjoy every minute celebrating with our little family!  

Happy Birthday my love!

You're my favorite!

A different kind of "reality" family

Alright, I know not everyone will agree, but I really like the Duggars on TLC's 18 Kids and Counting!  Every time I watch them I feel like I have so much to learn in raising my family.  Granted, they have had a lot of practice, but Michelle Duggar is always so calm, patient and loving toward her family.  I especially realize this as I yell for my son to "Pipe down!  I'm trying to listen to the Michelle discuss peace in her home!  Sheesh!"  Errr... yeah, not so good.

I don't agree with everything they believe.  My wardrobe contains pants and you will find dancing in my home almost every hour of the day.  I don't intend to have children into my 40s and I know our styles of homeschooling are very different.  But you know what?  When I look at their children their style and process of parenting and family-life really speaks for itself!  Those kids are solid in their beliefs, kind, generous, respectful and smart, but they are still very much kids.  I see these other reality shows with families, even those who claim to be Christian, and none of them reflect what I would want my family to look like as the Duggars do.

Initially I thought Michelle was, well... a little fake.  When she would constantly talk about "encouragement" with her cheerful demeanor and peppy inflection I couldn't help but roll my eyes.  Then one day it hit me... she is right!  She isn't just saying that because it sounds like the right Christian-ease to plug into the interview, she really means it!  And having gone through a sustained period of things really not going well for my family, I see just how important that encouragement is!  When you have others encouraging you it makes such a difference!  Even just one person reminding you that God does hear you and has not forgotten you, that things will get better, can mean the difference between pushing through one more day or falling into a horrible, bottomless depression.

Another thing that Michelle said on their question and answer show when someone asked how she dealt with the little ones without getting stressed was that she always tries to make sure she is smiling at her kids, intentionally.  Sooner or later you can't help but change your mood, even if just a little bit, if you have a smile on your face!  I have especially found this to be true when R-Man is pitching a fit.  If I smile at him and make him squeak out a smile too, even if it is just a fake one, pretty soon it becomes real and things seem to calm down much more quickly.

I have so much to learn, I know it will never end.  For now though, while I am deeply entrenched in the research years, it is nice to have the Duggars to watch and glean from.  So, thank you Duggars, you are a beautiful family!

My brother needs your prayers!

I am writing this to all of you in desperate hope that you will pray and spread the word for others to do so as well!  

You see, my brother, Kaleb, was admitted to the hospital last night for an emergency replacement of the shunt in his head.  This shunt allows the spinal fluid around his brain to drain, and since his other shunt had failed (it was 17 years old- darn near a record!) the fluid pressure was slowly building in his head causing a terrible headache and forgetfulness.

The surgery apparently went well but all day today he has been complaining of a pounding headache, vomiting blood and worst of all, suffered a Grand Mal Seizure tonight just after 10:00pm.  The doctors have not been able to identify the cause of any of these symptoms.  He has undergone many tests and been pumped full of drugs to no avail. 

Kaleb was born with Spina Bifida (a neural tube defect that leaves a hole in the baby's back exposing the nerves at the base of the spine).  He walked until he was 13 when a series of walking injuries and surgical complications left him in a wheelchair.  He is 23 and has had more pain and surgeries than most people could comprehend, but through it all he has always maintained an amazing attitude and has never really complained about any of it.  He is such a caring person and one of the nicest, most empathetic people you could ever meet.

Please pray for answers, recovery and relief from the pain!  And please, pass this on to others you know!

Please Pray- the Flu has come

Hi Everyone- I just wanted to send out a quick request for prayer. R-Man began throwing up last night at 1 am and has thrown up three times since. I am currently feeling a bit queezy (don't know if it is just my mind or the real thing) and am very scared that Lion Cub will come down with this bug. He handled a cold at such a young age but I am quite worried that he wouldn't overcome the stomach flu as easily. Please pray for our family- I so appreciate it! Thank you!

A Simple Mother's Day Gift Idea

I think everyone is strapped for cash right now, which makes holidays such as Mother's Day difficult. What can you give your mama that will still make her feel special yet not break the bank? Well, why not some homemade products to pamper you mom? This year I decided to make bath salts, bath tea and milk bath for the special mamas in my life (my mom, mother-in-law, grandma, and all the women who will be attending my homebirth). All the recipes were fairly simple and cheap to prepare, but heartfelt and should provide a nice dose of pampering and relaxation! Here are the recipes if you want to try some or gift some yourself!


Clearheaded Relaxing Bath Salts

• 1 Cup Epsom Salt
• 1/4 Cup Sea Salt
• 2-3 Tbsp Baking Soda
• 5-10 drops essential oils (I used Lavender, Tea Tree and Eucalyptus)

Optional:

• 1-2 tsp Glycerin
• 1-2 Tbsp Ground Oatmeal

Directions: Combine all ingredients in bowl and mix well
For Bath: Use 1/4-1/2 cup


Oatmeal Milk Bath

• 2 Cups Powdered Milk
• 1/2 cup Ground Oatmeal
• 1 Cup Corn Starch
• 1/2 Baking Soda
• 1/2 Cup dried herbs (I used Rose Buds & Lavender- Rosemary or Chamomile would also be good choices)

Directions: Blend oatmeal and herbs in blender or food processor. Add milk to blender. Combine all ingredients in a bowl.
For Bath: Use 3 Tbsp


Healing Citrus Green Tea Bath Tea

• 1/4 Cup Green Tea
• 1/4 Cup Calendula Petals
• 1/4 Cup Ground Almonds
• 1 Tbsp Olive Oil
• 5-10 drops Lemon, Lemongrass and/or Orange Essential Oil

Optional:

• 1/2 tsp Jojoba Oil (left out because of expense)
• 2 Tbsp Dried Mint Leaves (couldn't find at the store I went to)

Directions: Mix all ingredients in a bowl until thoroughly dispersed and saturated
For Bath: Good for 2-3 baths. Steep for 10 minutes on stove and pour into bath water through a strainer.

32 Weeks- This baby is coming next month!

Wow, so yeah, as of today I can officially say that this baby is supposed to be here next month!! And check out the belly!Yeah- it get's bigger all the time! In fact I was just mentioning on Facebook today that my bladder is currently so squashed that I can't even make it through a nap without having to get up and pee! Crazy!


I feel good though and am still incredibly thankful that I am seeing such a wonderful chiropractor- she makes all the difference in my life! I had a bit of a nesting frenzy the other day that lead me to hardly be able to walk by the end of the day- luckly I saw Dr. Michelle the next morning and am now feeling totally back to normal! However, despite the achiness that ensued, I am still very glad that I took advantage of my drive to nest that day! Last week at my prenatal my midwife asked me if I had started to prepare everything for the birth and I was like, "I have two more months, don't I?!" I had vowed to myslef that I wouldn't start getting things until April so that I would help not make myself too anxious for the birth. I did start to buy some supplies this last weekend though and look at what I accomplished on that day of nesting at home:

Before:

After:

Somehow, over the last month or so things had just accumulated in our front room and sort of took over! Not anymore! This room is now almost completely birth-ready! We plan to put the futon down so that Roman can nap and be put to bed at night in this room during the birth if need be. I will also use the futon postpartum for napping and resting with the baby since our bedroom is in the basement and my midwife only wants me going up and down the stairs once a day for the first few weeks. In addition to this little arrangement I plan to be getting as much help from family and friends as possible in those first 2-3 weeks after the little one arrives!

Any more, this is the state you can mostly find me in:


I have been amazed by just how quickly I get worn out these days- much more than I felt with Roman's pregnancy! The last two days I have had outings in the morning- meetings with clients, appointments, presentations at moms groups- and by the time I have gotten home in the early afternoon I can hardly keep my eyes open! Good thing Roman is a good napper and likes to snuggle me for a little afternoon snooze so we can both make it through the rest of the day refreshed and a little less moody!

Lastly, here are a couple of funny shots that I thought were amusing! The first one is of me making dinner- nothing fabulous. The funny part is that Roman took it after he figured out how to turn on the camera and everything. He also got ahold of my iPhone and managed to not only turn it on and use the slide bar to get to the main screen, but also get to the "rearrange" mode and move my icons all over the place! As if I'm not confused enough these days! It was pretty commical!


This next pic is of my lovely husband at the store last week! I couldn't help but snap this photo as he pulled the whole bulk foods container off the shelf and jimmy-rigged it open so he could poor back some of the granola he had just dumped into his bag- apparently a little too much! At the time it was very funny- especially when the girl who worked in the department walked by laughing (seeing me take a pic) and trying to say without completely cracking up, "Are you finding everything okay?" To which my reply was, of course, "Oh, I think we are finding more than enough! Thanks!" Good times, good times!

Just 8 more weeks and you will be seeing pics of my new babe, but for today I will leave you with some birth tid-bits to chew on- check out my friend's blog (who is also a fellow doula) for some very interesting info on our country's rising Ceserean rates, writing a good birth plan and more!

Kauai... a little trip run down

Okay, so it is a month late! It has been a busy month (which I will try to get into in posts to come in the next week)! I did want to give a little trip run down though so you can all see some of our beautiful vacation! Enjoy!

On the plane and ready to take off! Excited to say the least!

Our good little man watching WALLE on his new portable DVD player (our savior on 3 flights each way- a total of 8 flying hours and many more spent in airports! Thank you Grandma!) now, if only mama had handled the flights as well- WARNING: Pregnancy and flying DON"T mix! Especially if you are already prone to motion sickness! I left the contents of my stomach in many a paper bag- awful!

Roman and I at our poolside breakfast the first morning in the rain! Jer and his parent's went ziplining on the northside of the island but Roman enjoyed our low-key first day together exploring the groungd of the resort and looking at the ocean!

The view from our condo- yes, you can see the ocean over those buildings! It was beautiful! Our bedroom slider opened out onto our balcony and we left it open every night to listen to the ocean! So peaceful!

All gussied up for church (he is pretending to play a remote like a guitar)! We attended Kauai Christian Fellowship where some friends of my in-laws go. It was a nice service and Roman did great in the children's ministry. We went in to introduce him to the teacher before service but told her we would like to keep him with us during the worship. She told Roman it was pretty rock'n'roll and asked if he would like that. His response (with a completely straight face): "I like to move it, move it." It was priceless!

First time dipping our toes in the ocean (Grammy/Jodie my mother-in-law is the one next to Roman).

A night out! My in-law's treated us to a date night that was lovely! We had dinner at the Beach House at sunset- an AMAZING restaurant with service you can't imagine! Oh, and my 14 week baby bump was finally starting to show!

The view of the sunset from our table was breathtaking! You could literally watch the son slip beyond the horizon!

We also went to the Spouting Horn that evening (or the Sprouting Horn as my father-in-law refers to it). The water shoots up from a hole in the rocks 20 feet or more!

Here we are on a boat tour up one of the rivers to a place called Fern Grotto. The tour was cheesy (hosted by some guy who was in Blue Hawaii with Elvis in the 60s) and it was filled with a busload of elderly people from a cruise, but hey we got to see a few movie locations and it was just one of those tourist experiences you have to have!

Here we all are and the Fern Grotto is behind us.

Diggin' in the sand at Poipu Beach!


There were frogs (well toads I guess) and geckos everywhere in the evening hours- much to Roman's delight! He never wanted to touch them (thankfully) but he loved looking at them! I actually partially stepped on one one evening as we were heading back to our room, right after I had told Roman, "Watch for frogs!" I screamed! It was comical! The other thing in large supply on the island were wild chickens! EVERYWHERE! Crazy!

I spent an AMAZING morning at the Grand Hyatt Anara Day Spa! It was like nothing I have ever experienced or probably ever will again. Service you wouldn't believe and amenities to completely leave you in awe! This was the garden bungalow I had my massage in. From there I went for a pedicure and manicure in the salon- it was bliss! Merry Early Christmas to me!

The pool at our condo was great- you could wade in like walking into the ocean. The hot tub was also more of a luke-warm-tub so although it frustrated everyone else I was happy because I was actually able to go in! One evening they set up a large screen next to the pool and played Kungfu Panda- Roman loved swimming and watching one of his favorite movies at the same time!

One of our favorite restaurants was Duke's Canoe Club- they had suculent fish dishes, a great salad bar and Hula Pie to die for! They also had huge koi fish which Roman loved! My in-laws took this picture of us the night before they left.

Thanksgiving day we drove up the West Side of the island and found this amazing beach in the Polihale State Park- it is 17 miles long (the longest uninterupted beach on any of the islands) and has been the site of many a movie, including South Pacific.

From the beach we headed inland a bit to drive up to the Waimea Canyon (quite possibly the most curvy road I have ever been on in my life, which once again didn't help out the motion sickness!), but it was beautiful! Oh, and by the way, Roman is showing off his muscles in this picture!

Thanksgiving dinner was a fun luau at the Grand Hyatt, complete with shell leis and fire dancing! Roman loved the show and the food was delicious!

Here is Roman sticking a flower from his punch in my hair- yes, his idea!

Our last day we drove up to the Northside on the island where we found an amazing fish taco restaurant (they made their own corn tortillas to order- they were incredible!) along with a few caves...

...and waterfalls. It was a nice drive, even though it was pretty stormy, and it gave Roman a chance to nap since we had already checked out of our room.

We arrived at the airport at about 6:30pm after our final dinner at Duke's and awaited (or dreaded rather) our 9:30 flight. I was literally ready to either move their or swim home before boarding another airplane (I have found that my fear of sharks is far less than my dread of aerial decent while pregnant!), but I was told that that option was not viable so I eventually, and reluctantly made my way onto 3 more returning flights. We flew all through the night and got back around noon on November 30.

Our trip was wonderful- much needed and long awaited... and we can't wait to go back!

Just the 3 of us

The other day Jer had an interview over in Coeur d'Alene, so we decided to make the most of it and spend a little time together as a family at the lake. It was a beautiful day and a nice break from all the stress we have been under lately. Check out the fun we had!
Funny how the mama never ends up in the picture! Maybe one of these days someone else will be behind the camera!

Something Pink... and something brown!

Well, first of all, let's talk about the pink! Yup you guessed it- it's that little hat up there! You see, my adorable 8 year old niece, Natanya, has been up from Texas visiting our side of the family for the past two weeks and while she stayed at our house for a couple of days she wanted to do something crafty (the first thing out of her mouth every year when she sees me is, "Can we scrapbook?!). Well, we did do a little scrapbooking but mostly I tried to teach her how to knit. She lost interest pretty quickly but of course wanted me to finish the project- a hat for her 3 month old baby sister Sienna. I think it turned out pretty cute- fun easy pattern called a Baby Pip Hat. However, I am not so sure how much use Sienna will be getting our of it since they live in Texas! Oh well, it's cute anyway!


And then comes the brown! Well, while Natanya was over we stopped over at my parent's house so Jer could look at some work they want him to do in their house. While we were there the kiddos wanted to jump in the hot tub with Papa (my dad), who of course happily obliged. At one point Roman wanted to get out and, thinking he was done, we took off his shorts and wrapped him in a towel. Of course, after a few minutes he decided he wanted to get back in, but we figured it would only be for a few minutes so we just put him back in the hot tub with Natanya (Papa had already gotten out) without his shorts- big mistake!! Soon we heard poor Natanya screeming "POOP!!" The look on Roman's face said it all! I quickly snatched him out of the water and ran him to the bathroom as my dad fished for sinkers and Natanya jumped out of the hot tub and half way across the yard! Needless to say, baths for all quickly ensued and the hot tub was drained and cleaned. Luckily my dad had good humor about it and said, "He's just a little boy!" All in all, I am sure this is a trip that Natanya won't be quickly forgetting!

Not Forgotten

Today was the day that Micah was due to be born (for my new readers, I miscarried Micah in November). Needless to say, a difficult day to go through (especially with all of the new babies and pregnant mamas I seem to be constantly surrounded by), but healing in some ways also.

Let me elaborate- in sum we have been trying to get pregnant since May of 2007 and had always planned to have our children relatively close together. We want a large family and hadn't really thought that getting pregnant with a second baby (and staying that way) would be a huge issue, but my oh my, has it ever become one. In fact, it puts quite a strain on a relationship to be forced to perform at certain times of the month, repeatedly, while keeping track of every sign and symptom, waiting and waiting for the outcome that time after time comes out negative. Just in this last week we have made the decision to put the charting and ovulation prediction away and "simply" put it in God's hands. It sounds like a "simple" enough task, but in reality, letting go of those last little bits of "control" are very difficult.

I feel like God has called me to a place where He wants me to be content with where I am, right now. He wants me to focus on Roman and stop squandering the precious time I have with him at this age while dreaming of and planning for a possible future child. I need to stop thinking in terms of "getting my life ready so that things will be even better when we have more children," and start thinking in terms of "making my life better for the child (and husband) I already have." It isn't easy, and I need so much grace in the process, but that is where I am- whether I want to be or not.

And so, that brings me to today- my due date. I didn't want to let it just slip by as if it were never significant to me. I needed to do something to remember Micah- something to say, "You existed and I will always love and remember you." So I decided to go plant some perennial flowers over the spot where we buried him on my in-laws property. Honestly, I was a little self conscious asking them if it was okay, but they were fine with it and it was very healing for me. It gave me a chance to just be there, at that spot where I hadn't stood in 6 1/2 months. I prayed and really felt as though I was able to hand over the keys to the Lord in regards to my path of increasing my family. The battle isn't won- things aren't all of the sudden going to get happy and easy, but I have made the choice to not try to do it in my own strength any more. Either way, things aren't going to happen unless He wants them too, so I better learn to just give it up to Him now instead of fighting Him the whole way.

So, if you think of me- pray for me. Pray that God will be gracious and help the constant thoughts of trying to plan for more children to dissipate. Pray that He will bring me peace and contentment. Pray that He will provide for my family through the current drought we are in. And thank you- for reading this and acknowledging with me that I am the mother of two wonderful boys, even though I only hold one in my arms here on this earth.