Friend Makin' Monday- I can't live without...

This week Amber is hosting a Friend Makin' Monday all about the things you couldn't live without.  My list will exclude all things living and focus solely on the material- silly and shallow maybe, but the living things are a given!  So, here goes:

• My iPhone!  It is my link to the outside world!  Helps keep me sane!
  

• My computer/internet- link #2 and also offers sanity!
  

• Baby Einstein- I would never get to shower without it!
  

• Cloth diapers- for more than the obvious reason!  They allow me to accessorize my boys!  

• Something we mamas of boys often miss out on!
  

• Books- they let me escape, they teach me, they inspire me, they distract me and help me relax!
  

• Dark Chocolate- I would not make it through some days without this little vice!

Yup, I think that about does it!  How about you?

This is MY space- like it or leave!

Lately I have been feeling very restricted with my blog- like certain people who frequent it are passing judgment on the things I write, on a personal level.  This grieves me because my blog is the only real place I have for just me and it acts as my therapist a great deal of the time.  As a mom of young kids, as many of you are, I have very little time to myself or things I do just for me.  My blog is my release and one of the few places I can just get right down and honest about stuff!  In fact, this post on All That is Good could have been written by myself nearly word for word!

This invasion into my blog has caused me to stray from writing much lately, which in turn makes me feel bottled-up and without an outlet.  I have gone so far as to consider creating a new blog, contacting my real blogging friends and those I know enjoy my blog and read it in love, and then abandoning this one completely.  But that really wouldn't be fair to myself- I have worked incredibly hard to get this blog where it is and a few sour readers shouldn't ruin that for me!

So, if you happen to be one of the people out there who has a problem with what I write, please do not come back.  Don't try to take this space away from me.  There are precious few things I have left to hang onto and this blog is one of them!  Find something better to do with your time than frustrate both yourself and me!

Have I made myself clear?  Alright then, that's all I have to say about that!

The Simple Woman's Daybook- Post 1!

 FOR TODAY

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Outside my window... abnormally warm temperatures for late September in our neck of the woods!  R-Man actually ran through the sprinklers yesterday!

I am thinking... about the curriculum I am writing for a Preparing for Birth and Baby series of classes I am hoping to being offering this winter.

I am thankful for... the jobs my husband was called on yesterday- we own a finish carpentry business so a "job" is only a few weeks of work, but it pays well when he has one and it couldn't be more timely!

From the learning rooms... R-Man is learning the letter "E" this week and about Joseph in the Bible.  I am diligently getting back into working on my Certified Lactation Educator training.

From the kitchen... not much- I am in dire need of a trip to the store but I just can't bring myself to pack up both boys and take them after our last ultimate melt-down!

I am wearing... sweats!  Sometimes you just have to!

I am creating... curriculum (as I mentioned before), not very creative but very satisfying!

I am going... to hopefully meet up with a friend at the park in place of our normal co-op time, and also a trip to the store.

I am reading... too much!  I am still working on If God is Good (and probably will be for a while!), The Ultimate Guide to Breastfeeding, Love Has a Face, Extraordinary, and Creative Correction!  Sheesh!  I need to get some of these finished!

I am hoping... that both boys will nap at the same time today!

I am hearing... ok- to be totally honest, I am writing this very late at night (or early morning rather) so I am listening to my husband snoring in the baby monitor!

Around the house... are toys- lots of them!  We broke out R-Man's old toys for Lion Cub this week!  It's crazy!

One of my favorite things... is quiet- it is so rare, but so cherished!

A few plans for the rest of the week: possibly going to the lake for the weekend and not a whole lot else!

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...  Actually, instead of a picture I thought I would just point out the new look of my blog (hope it didn't throw some of you off!).  I was just feeling the need for something more Fall-ish!  Now, if I can just figure out how to alter my html to make my columns spread out a little better (so they aren't so jammed on top of each other) I will be in business!

To participate, visit The Simple Woman's Daybook

If God is Good Review

 Right off, I must admit, I was hesitant to begin reading this book.  When I had first been contacted by the publisher to consider reviewing it I knew that it would be incredibly relevant to the last few years of my life, along with being interesting and even helpful, but when it arrived in the mail later than I had anticipated and was much longer than I had assumed (494 pages!) the task seemed daunting. On top of all that, I could tell that this book was full of philosophy, meant to spur deep thinking and, to be totally honest, there is not a lot of room left in this tired mama's head for any of that!

However, after finally picking up the book I found myself captivated- a description I do not normally reserve for such well-researched works of logical non-fiction!  Randy Alcorn crafts his words on this deep matter in such away that I can hardly put it down (I say can because I am still reading and digesting it), and beyond that, makes a very complex subject relateable and personal, while being highly informative and enlightening.

Among other things, in If God is Good, Alcorn emphasizes the perspective which we bring to evil and suffering.  This perspective is something I have thought about a great deal in the past two years.  Two months from now marks the two year anniversary of my miscariage of my son Micah, and just a mere two weeks from now marks the one year anniversary of the loss of my first ever doula client and good friend's 5 hour old son.  Beyond these losses, there have been quite a few more tragedies and heartache in the birthing community as of late, and sometimes it can all just seem senseless.

Although I have never lost my faith, there have absolutely been times that I couldn't help but stop and question God.  Why were all of these heartbreaking, mind-boggling things happening to families who seem to deserve so much more?  Reading this book however, has offered many intensely powerful reminders about God's sovereignty and omniscience.  He knows everything that happens and He is utterly compassionate to our circumstances.  He has felt the deepest loss- the loss of His Son- and He knows our pain. That can all sound cliche', I am quite aware, but it is true.  Alcorn, however, addresses this topic in such a way as to not make peoples' pain seem inconsequential.  Goodness knows that the last thing I wanted to hear when loosing Micah was anything along the lines of, "God has a reason," or "Everything will turn out alright."  Even if those things were true, they were in no way comforting or healing to my soul.  Alcorn faces the tough questions of suffering and evil head on and answers them with refreshing honesty and compelling study.

 Alcorn does a wonderful job of not just addressing the "feelings" we have about suffering and evil though, he really delves deep and cracks open some very intense questions about why God allows things to happen and where the roots of these problems exist.  I think that anyone dealing with suffering or loss in their life should give some serious time and consideration to this book.  It is challenging and even hard to swallow at times, but is none-the-less a powerful examination of why this world is the way it is and how we can better deal with it.

I am still in the process of reading If God is Good (remember, the nearly 500 pages and mom of two young kids thing?!), but I can assure you that this will not be one of those books that gets placed back on my shelf half-read!  The incredibly relevant message leaves me no choice but to go deeper and absorb the critical points this book makes.  As Alcorn points out in the book, we will all probably face some sort of suffering or evil in our lives, so isn't it better to learn more about it before we actually have to overcome it? And if we are currently dealing with it, then this book is just as timely.

If you think that you or someone you know would benefit from this book, I encourage you to purchase a copy here.  I am quite sure you will find it every bit as helpful as I have.

If you are interested in blogging for Waterbrook Press you can go here.

Mama Time- Just the Blues?

 

As you may have noticed in recent weeks, my appearances in the blogosphere have been significantly less than any time in the past 6 months.  About 4 weeks ago, around the time Lion Cub reached 11 weeks old, I began to feel not quite like myself.  More than tired, which is obviously normal for a mama of two little ones, I began to feel significantly fatigued.  My motivation to do much of anything all but vanished completely, and I could be brought to tears at nearly any moment of the day for the most obscure possible reasons.  To be frank, I felt very similar to how I felt after my miscarriage two years ago- just not right. 

 

On top of all that, some harsh reminders of the past came back into the "picture," which hurt me deeply and caused me to spiral into a state of questioning and despair about my current life.  To others involved it may have seemed silly and small, but it pained me to the core and brought nothing short of heartbreak, misery, frustration and outright anger.  I felt defeated and hopeless.  

 

After taking a pregnancy test to rule out that incredibly small possibility, I was forced to face the most likely culprit for the way I had been feeling- Postpartum Depression.  Many people don't realize that PPD can strike at any point in the first year postpartum, and has so many varying degrees that the preferred term has now been changed to Postpartum Mood Disorders.

"Well, maybe you just have the Baby Blues," you might be thinking, but by definition, the Baby Blues occur in the first days following birth when the mother experiences a significant shift in her hormones, and then passes.  I am quite sure that what I have been facing goes much beyond that, after all, it popped up at two months postpartum and has lasted a number of weeks.  The comment has also been made to me (by our pediatrician no less) that I have been smiling during the boys' appointments, so I must be fine.  This assumption, based on a plastic smile pasted on for public outings, seems rather silly in my opinion and lacking in much credibility!  Just because I haven't hit the road and headed out of town or demonstrated some violent display of bitter rage, doesn't mean that I haven't been under the burden of some degree of PPD.
So, what do I do?  I don't think that medication is the answer- not that some people don't need it, it just isn't right for me.  At no point in the near future am I going to have the chance to skip town and spend a few days by myself (or even with my husband or a close friend) to get a break and recharge my batteries.  My options are limited.   What I have done is prayed, a lot.  I have sought out the help of family (many of my friends have had their own issues to deal with lately or simply been out of town).  I have tried to get out of the house as much as possible.  I have tried to get a few minutes of quiet each day to read or do something for me (usually when the little people in my life are sleeping- so there is no guarantee this one will happen!).  I have tried to help others, for a variety of reasons, including taking the time to focus on what someone else is going through instead of what I am.  I have begun to wake up every morning knowing that I have to choose to make that day productive and joyful, and so I try to, most days anyway.  Each day gets a little bit better than the last.

As for that other situation, those reminders of the past.  Well, I don't discredit those feelings just because I have been dealing with Postpartum Depression.  Obviously, either situation would be hard enough to deal with by itself, but handling them together has only compounded my emotions.  I have tried to reign in my thoughts on the matter and move on, again, but that of course is not to say that the problem doesn't need to come to some sort of resolve.  The issue still must be addressed and concluded before I can fully get past it, but such is life.

Can any of you relate?  Have you been facing your own postpartum trials and would like to share, or vent?  Do you have any solutions to the issue, things you have been doing to help ease the pain?  I sincerely believe that postpartum mamas need each other, and simply relating to one another on a topic that others not in this season of life can rarely understand, is oh so helpful.  So please, link up!