Alright, lately I have been going through what I can only describe as doula-birth-syndrome! You see, I have been busy planning and thinking about my upcoming birth, and thinking about how much more knowledgeable and prepared I am this time around, and yet I can't help but feel that I am going to be an utter disappointment during this birth, that I am just going to fail miserably! It is silly and I know that many people have assured me this won't happen, but I just can't help but feel that way.
One of my doulas recommended that I write down all of my fears and then burn them or tear them up into small pieces. She then said to write down my ideal birth in terms of "I am going through this right now," instead or "I will go through this." I think it is a good idea and should probably do it in the very near future. I need to start visualizing this birth the way I want it to be and work on relaxation.
As I approach the end of my pregnancy I have also noticed myself becoming much more hormonal and forgetful. Last week was very trying, with a couple of break downs, but Roman assured me that "It's okay Mama! You'll be fine!" Hmmmm... where has he heard that before?!
Slowly but surely I am getting things more ready for this baby to come. I got quite a bit of decluttering & filing done in the office last week and finally started the boy pair of newborn-sized perfection pants (I don't know if it will matter though- my grandmother, who was sure Roman was a boy, very matter-of-factly told me this last weekend that I am having a girl! We shall see!). I also have all the diapers (that I have so far) washed and organized. The list of things left to do still stretches out for miles in front of me though, so somehow I have to find the time and, more than anything, energy to get it all done!
Physically I am feeling pretty well. My chiropractic appointments have made a world of difference with my back and hips, and other than feeling tired, I really don't have anything to complain about. The baby is still very active in the late evening and has been getting the hicups all the time! I have gained 25 lbs so far, but I am good with that, and Jer likes that I have a little more booty than usual! My two-week appointments begin this week with my midwife, which I think will make the birth seem even more impending, but I am excited for them as well! I think that is all for now- I'll try to have more pics for next week!